Save me or pay me, take me away or stay [Mai]

[maihart]

"Oh." Mai swallowed nervously, her arms wrapped around herself, as if she was trying not to fall apart. "Sorry for just showing up like this." She mumbled. "Sit down, please," She let him guide her to the chair, keeping her eyes focused onthe ground, and sat down, her hands shaking. "Are you alright? How did you get here? Is anyone with you?" Her head hurt from all the questions and she clasped her hands together nervously. "Yes I'm f-" She stopped herself from using her automatic response, what she had been saying for years, just another part of the wall she had put up to try and protect herself, to stop people from seeing how much she was hurting. She wasn't fine. She hadn't been for a long time.

"No, I don't think so, I feel awful." She said, her voice barely above a whisper as she blinked back tears. "I got a taxi as ar as here, from my cousin Amelia's house. Gran knows I'm in London but she thinks I'm just hanging out with Lia." She felt her stomach clench with guilt at the thought of lying to her grandmother, the woman who had taken her in and loved her unconditionally. "

"It's just today is m-mums birthday." She just about managed to say, her eyes filling with unwanted tears. "So Gran let me come up to London to stay with Lia because she knows I hate being around lots of people around now." Mai swallowed, her shaking hands pushing her hair from her face. "It's always a horrible day. Just t-too many memories, you know? But then yesterday, I g-got this letter." She reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded up letter, opening it up slowly.

"It's f-from this woman Jennifer, she's the one that m-my dad went off with. I hadn't opened it yet and I'd f-forgotten about it until this morning and then I opened it and-" She cut off, a soft sob escaping her lips as tears ran down her face. "He's d-dead." She whispered. "M-my d-dad. He d-died of a heart attack two weeks ago. And the woman, his n-new wife, hadn't known about us. Lucas and me, that w-we were h-his kids. She only just f-found out, so she sent me th-this letter, t-telling me." Mai let out another sob, her shoulders shaking.

[Dimitri Mikhail Zolnerowich]

"Sorry for just showing up like this." Dim smiled slightly. "No matter," he said softly. "I'm glad you came." He knew his questions were probably a little much and asked too quickly, but he had been on edge to begin with and she'd taken him by surprise. Not very professional, indeed, but everyone had their weak moments, and so did Dimitri he just usually saved them up for when he was at home.
He got Mai a glass of water, even though he wasn't sure if she wanted some, and put it on the desk in front of her. Dimitri half sat on the desk, half stood, beside her. He wasn't in the mood to 'be the guy at the other side of the desk' just now.

"Yes I'm f- ... No, I don't think so, I feel awful." Dimitri half smiled at her sympathetically and nodded a little, gently urging her to continue. "I got a taxi as far as here, from my cousin Amelia's house. Gran knows I'm in London but she thinks I'm just hanging out with Lia." Again, he nodded and reached for a box of tissues behind him in silence.
"It's just today is m-mums birthday. So Gran let me come up to London to stay with Lia because she knows I hate being around lots of people around now. It's always a horrible day. Just t-too many memories, you know?" Dimitri nodded slightly and guessed, from how distressed she was, something else must've happened to trigger these emotions to run so freely. After all, she'd sort of coped with her mother's birthday for years, something had send her into a fit.

"But then yesterday, I g-got this letter." She got out a piece of paper, the letter, Dim assumed. "It's f-from this woman Jennifer, she's the one that m-my dad went off with. I hadn't opened it yet and I'd f-forgotten about it until this morning and then I opened it and-" Tears started running down her face and, wordlessly, Dim offered her the box with tissues, still listening.
He's d-dead. M-my d-dad. He d-died of a heart attack two weeks ago. And the woman, his n-new wife, hadn't known about us. Lucas and me, that w-we were h-his kids. She only just f-found out, so she sent me th-this letter, t-telling me." Dimitri almost physically winced, but managed to contain it to a mental cringe. As if Mai didn't have enough to deal with already, a complete stranger had to send her a letter to let her know her father was dead and that she was, officially and practically twice, an orphan now? Dimitri had, actually, almost forgotten about her real father, he hadn't been the issue in their sessions much, he hadn't been in the picture, and now it seemed the frame was enlarging to fit in as much trouble as possible. For a moment, he emphatised too much and felt a surge of emotion rip through him, but he kept his face straight (or, well, mostly) and gently placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Would you like me to call anyone and take you home?" he asked, gently. "Or would you rather stay here and talk. Or stay here and not talk? Stay here and just cry?" Dimitri was well aware of the stages of grief, although he had never really gone through them himself before (well, once.. or twice..), and he knew she was probably not ready to really talk it over yet. It had only just happened, after all. It would have to settle, first; it was no use ripping open wounds that were already open and only making them deeper. If she was ready to talk, Dimitri was sure she would let him know, but he didn't want to push Mai.

[maihart]

"Would you like me to call anyone and take you home? Or would you rather stay here and talk. Or stay here and not talk? Stay here and just cry?" Mai shook her head rapidly. "N-no, I c-can't deal with them yet, I c-can't tell Gran or Lucas, they w-won't understand, They a-all hated him, I hated him. He w-was horrible, h-he just up and left, didn't ever try and c-contact us. And after m-mum and Christian d-died, I t-tried to talk to him. T-to ask him f-for help because he was the only p-parent I had left. But he just t-turned his back on me. Said it wasn't his problem."

Her fists clenched angrily, her tears falling for anger now, more than grief. "I was twelve, and he just turned his back on me." She closed her eyes willing her tears to stop, not wanting to shed tears over the man she wanted to hate. She didn't want to feel anything over his death, She wanted to not care. So why did her chest ache so badly. "I was twelve and my mother had just died and he just walked away and said it wasn't his problem." Her eyes refused to hold back the tears and they kept falling, dripping from her cheeks.

"I hate him! I hate him so much! He left us and he never cared and then he went and had kids with his new family and never told us! So now I have two younger siblings that want to meet me and he's gone and fucking died!" She shouted angrily, her voice hoarse and strained. "And I don't want to care and I wish I didn't, but I do because he was my dad and he was all I had left." Her voice began to get quieter, until her last few words were barely a whisper, broken by sobs.

[Dimitri Mikhail Zolnerowich]

Dimitri nodded slightly as she stammered that she didn't want to see anyone yet. It was very logical that she'd say that; in fact, Dimitri had expected it. The news needed some time to sink in, well.. it had sunken in, now it needed to settle down.
He silently listened to her ranting about how she had hated her biological father and how he had abandoned her. Dimitri agreed, really - when someone ignored his responsibility like that and treated anyone (let alone his own daughter) so heartless, the inevitable reaction was hate. Of course, it wasn't merely the hate that was upsetting Mai.

"And I don't want to care and I wish I didn't, but I do because he was my dad and he was all I had left." In Dimitri's head, it was complete logic. There was hate, and then sadness and grief, which Maia-Lynn simply could not bear, it clashed, and she blamed herself, resulting in anger and one hell of an emotional roller-coaster.
"I will not say," he started, slowly, and in a low voice, but in a sort of tone that was simply hears, "I will not say it is wrong of you to hate him - you have every right and he deserves every bit." He smiled reassuringly at Mai, compassionate but without pity - Dimitri guessed she hadn't come here for pity. "I understand you don't want to grieve, that you do not want to be sad about this man, but it is not wrong of you to do so. No matter how you look at it, no matter what happened, you have lost someone. He may have abandoned you and you may have hated him - or still do - maybe you still hoped that one day he would be there for you and you have lost this possibility, and that is certainly something to grieve about, if not for the man himself."

He was quiet for a moment, watching Mai in silence, but not staring at her for to long so that it wouldn't unnerve her - he also let his eyes wander of. He was thinking. It was no use leaving her in the dark as to his current dilemma, and as he suspected she would prefer his honesty, he brought it to her directly. "I need to go home in about fifteen minutes," he said, searching for her eyes without any hope of getting a glance at them, really, "and you need some more time. I am not willing to leave you alone." The last statement was very firm, it was obvious he would not be reasoned out of that.
"I am willing to drop you off at any member of your family, or I can owl them and you can spend the night at my place. It is not uncommon, patients of mine have done it before-" well, one patient in particular, really, "and the hospital is aware of my methods." He added that last bit just for good measure, she was a minor, after all, and the last thing he needed was her thinking the wrong thing. "I have a spare bedroom in the attic - and a kitten," he smiled slightly as he added that last bit. "No one will bother you, if you don't want to, but I'll be there should you need me." In a lower voice which echoed some sort of understanding, he added, almost a whisper: "I can imagine you still wouldn't want to deal with your family right now. If you want, I won't even owl them what happened - I am bound by confidentiality - and will just let them know where you are and that you're in good hands." Dimitri looked at Mai, calmly. Whichever choice she made was even to him, he just wanted her to make the choice that was right for her; whichever would make her feel at ease.