Resolutions? [OPEN]

[jamespotter]

How do you say goodbye to someone who had you at hello?

James turned his collar of his coat up against the bitter cold as he walked along the edge of the frozen lake. A new year had started, fresh as the snow that painted the landscape white. The only sounds were the occasional call of a hawk and the crunching of the snow beneath his feet. That and the conversation that was going on in his head. He had to get out of the castle, to get away for a while.

What forced him outside away from the warmth of a fire, away from his friends? Evans. Pure and simple she was driving him crazy, though she probably was totally clueless that she was. How could she know? Know that he was totally taken with her, has been since he first saw her in their first year at the train station. She was nice, friendly, polite to everyone. She had not encouraged him, in fact she has done the opposite, tried to push him away. That part he could handle, though it was hard. Seeing her everyday, in the common room, in classes, everywhere and not being able to touch her, to talk to her was difficult. Even hearing her call him an arrogant toe rag did not stop his feelings for her. In fact his feelings grew stronger for her.

And that was the problem. It was HIS feelings, not hers. What hurt him the most was not her ignoring him but her attention she gave to Snape. It cut him deep that she would have that whining Dark Arts worshiping Slytherin as a friend over him. Couldn't she see that Snivellus was all wrong for her? Didn't she realize his beliefs in being pure blood? Apparently not, for they exchanged Christmas gifts. That greaser even had the gall to come all the way up to the Gryffindor common room to do it too. Practically flaunting their friendship in his face. He swore under his breath. Gawd how he hated Snape!

He reached the far side of the lake, stuffing his hands into his coat pocket looking for gloves he found instead the off-white wool scarf and matching gloves. The gift he had bought to give Lily for Christmas. He turned them over in his hands. Staring at them, knowing that the gift will never be given. Sirius had told him to forget her, that he could have any girl at Hogwarts, they were ripe for the taking like fruit on the vine. And that was the problem... he didn't want "any girl" he wanted Evans. He was standing there in the stark white snow when the sharply clear, impossible to avoid thought occurred. He should give up, move on. Why torture himself any more?


Tags: Open to anyone
word count 468

[vicente joram mortelle]

The grounds were covered with snow, just as he liked it and if it weren't so cold already it would of been sprinkling. Instead a light dusting of snow had begun to fall from the clouds above. Today has been hell, as everyday was. A letter from his father stating that if he didn't pick up his grades he would be forgotten as one in the main line. It was a grave statement and Joram knew damn well what it meant. Crunching in the snow had caught his attention, slowly he turned his head to see who had dared to bare the cold along side him. Gryffindor. Standing up he brushed off his trousers and looked across the lake still deep in thought. Trying to make himself known, atleast make it known that he knew James was there. Unlike most Slytherin's anymore he would talk to anyone, in his book anyone had a chance even if their views were rather...distorted, compared to his own upbringing.

That face, well he recognized that look of rejection, and hurt. He's felt is so many times before that it was just aching for him to do something about it. Joram hasn't cared much about anyone, be he know how rejection felt, considering the chick he was chasing this morning literally told him to bugger off. He didn't care but his Italian charm didn't seem to be working like it used to be. James was a mere 100 yards away, he couldn't hear anything coming from the guy, but he could feel the burning coming off of him, if that was at all possible. Making his way toward the lonely Gryffindor he kept his hands out of his pockets to assure the guy that there was no harm intended. Of course he didn't intend on anything, but clashing houses told a different story as everyone knew.

"My father always told me 'Una delle cose più difficili nella vita è guardare la persona che ami, ama qualcun altro.' which means, One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else. It seems like that is a fitting subject, considering that the look on your face tells me exactly how you're feeling," he kept his eyes out at the icy lake and shook his head. "Honestly I have a feeling I know what you're going through."

word count: 408

[jamespotter]

Snow had started falling. Just a light snow, one would consider it flurries perhaps. But he had not noticed. Oblivious to his surroundings as he stared at the gift he held in his hands. Perhaps he should give them to someone else. Nope that won't work .... no doubt he would just see them and be reminded that they were Lily's. How about just tossing them or even burning them. Get rid of the reminders altogether, but then again he'd have to live with seeing her here day in and day out.

The way he saw it was he had two choices. Forget Evans, let Snivelly have her. It won't last long once he shows her his true colors. The colors James has seen and heard about. He would just love to put Snivellus' whiny ass out of my misery. Meanwhile he could move on to some other girl. One that wasn't so gullible so easy to deceive. Evans will be the one hurting when she finally realizes.... His heart sank at the thought of her in pain. Gah, he must have it bad, if he can't even stand the thought of anyone hurting her.

Of course there is his other choice. He could go all out and attack Snivellus every chance he gets. Pulling every trick in his book. Force Snivelly into doing or saying something that will prove to Lily what he really is. Though he has been doing just that, he has been holding back, knowing that Lily would disapprove. It's a tenuous situation. He would be walking a fine line himself. Risking loosing any chance whatsoever with Lily in the process. Risking her unforgiving anger against him for him going after Snape. For him proving her wrong in her choice of a friend. His only consolation with this approach is that if he lost her at least Snivellus wouldn't have her either.

James was so busy with his thoughts that he never noticed Joram stand up and brush of the snow. Which in itself was unusual for him. Generally he noticed just about everything. Especially in these troubled times. One couldn't be too careful. So when he heard Joram say ..

My father always told me 'Una delle cose più difficili nella vita è guardare la persona che ami, ama qualcun altro.' which means, One of the hardest things in life is watching the person you love, love someone else. It seems like that is a fitting subject, considering that the look on your face tells me exactly how you're feeling ... Honestly I have a feeling I know what you're going through.

He jumped slightly not expecting company. Who else would give up the cozy warmth of the castle to brave the cold and snow? He hurriedly stuffed the gift back into his pocket then turned to see who was addressing him from behind. At first he was taken aback by the foreign language. Really?? Was he suppose to know what this guy said??? It was bad enough that he was deep in thought and not expecting to pay attention to a random conversation but a foreign language at that? Lucky for him that the person he recognized as a Slytherin named Joram was thoughtful enough to provide him with a translation.

He blinked at Joram, thinking 'how the hell does he thinks he knows what I am feeling?' "Umm.... say what?" He asked a little confused. "Was you talking to me?" he asked looking about for perhaps another person. Surely this Joram didn't perceive to know what he had been thinking about

word count: 525

[vicente joram mortelle]

Looking at James who seemed to jump, smiling and shook his head at the sudden out burst. Watching his every move diligently he slipped his own hands into his pockets with ease, mostly from the bitter cold and he would like to keep his fingers from falling off. No, he didn't know what he was thinking but the look on Potter's face told him everything, and he sort of knew that Severus was hanging out with a Gryffindor, though not necessarily which Gryffindor. Let's just say the rumors move quickly and Joram has a knack of finding out what they're all about, he didn't pay attention to names so much. Relationships happen, and I as curious as to why Severus was going after a, dirtblood, as his father calls them, but more or less a mudblood up here.

Relationships were hard especially at a young age, and Joram has had his fair share of rejection, surprisingly he knows what he is talking about. It was just that morning a girl mentioned a restraining order, and well, the other day someone else, but before all this there was one girl he wanted even more so than ever, and he knew that it was a long shot. No, no it wasn't Evans, but he really liked that Malfoy girl, the shy one, but for some reason he couldn't even bring himself to talk to her, every time he saw her he would tense up and forget what he was doing, and then make a complete fool of himself, but that wasn't to be brought up now. Knowing the he would seem like he was chasing an empty dream would come over him.

Cheeks now own fire he turned his attention back to Potter. “Who else do you see Potter?” He was being overlooked and that had dire consequences, not with the over looking party, but more or less with himself. Joram wasn't a depressed kid, never really has been, getting over grudges quickly was a skill he had to adapt to, and it was either a good one or a bad one. Vincent, his father, held grudges through and through and he had most of the southern Italian mafia at his feet. It was just one of those things. Tapping his fingers on a nearby tree he shook his head once more.

“You're contemplating something, though I cannot tell what it is, and it's bothering me. The whole not knowing thing. I've gone through enough trials of rejection to know that look, and it doesn't bypass me as it may some others.” Crossing his arms he stepped forward a little and looked at the pathetic excuse of a man in front of him. “If you love her, or him, go after them, it's as simple as that, you cannot force someone to love you but you can establish a point.” His accent was thick, but luckily it was easy to listen to and understand. His father wouldn't let him out of the house if he didn't learn English as a second language and so far it has done a lot of good for him. “There's no fault in trying, and if you give up, some people will think of you as failure.”

Word Count: 559

[jamespotter]

Who else do you see Potter?

Well actually no one... but then again he didn't expect to run into Joram either. Just goes to show when one wanted to be alone there really isn't a place they can truly be alone at. Yes he could have went to the dorm but no doubt Peter would have showed up insisting they 'do' something. He liked Peter but sometimes the git could be annoying as a gnat. The boy expected James and Sirius to keep him entertained which generally they did but even they sometimes needed a break. The common room was just too common and noisy, the library was out of limits. He could just see the worried expression on Moony's face if he was found in the library. Nope the only place he could truly be alone was on a broom, flying high above the pitch and grounds. But when he flew he tended not to think, to clear his mind of everything. Flying set him free so to speak. "Sorry..." he threw a half smile at Joram apologetically. "I just wasn't expecting to run into any one out here."

You're contemplating something, though I cannot tell what it is, and it's bothering me. The whole not knowing thing. I've gone through enough trials of rejection to know that look, and it doesn't bypass me as it may some others.

This was an odd situation, or shall he say conversation. Not use to Slytherins caring what he was thinking about. Well wait... take that back there was Dorcas. On more than one occasion they have consoled the other while nursing a bottle in Hogsmeade. Generally it would be him listening to her and making sure she got back to Hogwarts in one piece, with all of her clothes. Then there was the 'gossip queen' Skeeter. Yup she made it her business to find out your business and she made damn sure everyone else knew it too.

He shifted his weight to the right leg, raising an eyebrow when Joram admitted that him not knowing what James was thinking was bothering him. He listened to the boy continue as he watched him tapping his fingers on the tree trunk, thinking at the same time why should this be 'bothering' the Slytherin? It's not as if he and James were friends. Hell he hardly knew the boy. Just knowing his name is about it.

If you love her, or him, go after them, it's as simple as that, you cannot force someone to love you but you can establish a point...There's no fault in trying, and if you give up, some people will think of you as failure.

He took offense stiffing slightly to Joram implying that he was in love with a guy. This day and age one didn't even suggest that kind of relationship to another guy without getting a fist in the mouth. Though he was sure that type of behavior did go on, it was something not approved of, perhaps in the future it may be different. But in the here and now one did not question a mans sexuality. Though Joram IS Italian perhaps he swings in that direction. Regardless he thought that Joram was actually trying to give him some unsolicited advice.

"uh huh... and you have vast experience in relationships?" He asked, knowing that Joram was about his age. So unless he didn't age he couldn't have any more experience than he or any other teen for that matter. So he was curious to what experience Joram had.

word count: 503

[vicente joram mortelle]

Not expecting anyone out here, well that made sense, after all it was freezing and no one bares the cold for the hell of it. Crouching down because his legs were killing him he stood up quickly though because the snow was leaking through to his toes, and they were getting a little drenched. A shiver came over him and still he turned his attention to James. After he had mentioned the possibility of James loving another man he noticed a shift in attitude and looked down at the ground.

“I didn’t mean it that way, it’s still a possibility I wasn’t actually meaning for it to come out like that,” truth was he didn’t really know why it came out it was just a thought and well he spoke what he thought, that managed to get him into a lot of trouble sometimes and maybe it just did. Waving his hands out infront of himself he turned to look out at the lake again, eyes settling in on a distant object not really knowing what it was. “Oh crap I messed up again.” Taking a deep breath he looked back at James, this was a little awkward, if anyone were to see this happening that would surely ruin his reputation, now why didn’t he think of that before all of this?

Maybe it was because of boredom, and he hasn’t really talked to anyone in a while. That made sense, but then again he was the quiet kid for his first few years at the school, so it was more or less his fault that he didn’t have many friends and people to talk to. Did he want to look up to James? Well now that was an idiotic idea, why would he want to look up to a troublemaker, and well Gryffindor of all things, he looked up to the Malfoys that was a different story and the Lestrange, and Blacks, they were all very high standing families in the wizarding community, so it only made sense to look up to them.

Vast experience in relationships? Well no, no of course he didn’t…did he? “I never said I had vast experience in relationships, all I said was I recognize rejection. That’s what I have experience in being cast away as if I were nothing, from my father and the same with the girls here.” Looking away he began to wonder why he said something like that. He was thinking that he was the biggest fool for opening up to a Gryffindor, and it was getting the best of him.

Experienced rejection artist right here, Joram you’re such a damn idiot, spilling something like that to a Gryffindor none the less, and Potter to top it off, who had issues of his own to deal with. What the hell are you thinking? He was torn with inner conflict, everything he learned went out the window, do not respect that house, you are a born pueblood, you are a member of the main line now start acting like it. Did he want what his future held he didn’t know. Scrunching up his nose at the thought he was sure it was going to turn around, if he didn’t follow what was meant for him he could very well be cast off.

Word Count: 566

[jamespotter]

Even though he didn't make any remarks to Joram about his comment, the boy picked up on his body language. Then fell all over himself trying to take back the words and to smooth things over.

Oh crap I messed up again.

He had to smile. "Nah... it's fine, no offense taken." Joram isn't the only person that says something only to have it taken the wrong way. It seems that is always happening to him where Lily is concerned. He's had things he has said twisted and used against him, or the old case of open mouth and insert foot. Particularly when it involves his feelings and attitudes towards Snape. It was a mutual jealousy, hatred, rivalry that goes on between two vying for the one they want. And to the winner goes the spoils or in this case, Lily. The sad thing is he always comes off looking like the bad guy while Snape walks away looking like the rose.

Lily never seeing what Snape does and says, or she is blocking it out. It's like the age old problem of two children fighting. The teacher never sees the first child throw the punch, it is alway the one the hits back that gets into trouble. And Snape uses that well ... with a well placed comment or snide remark aimed to provoke a response from him. He just needs to turn the tables on Snape, to respond smarter.

I never said I had vast experience in relationships, all I said was I recognize rejection. That’s what I have experience in being cast away as if I were nothing, from my father and the same with the girls here.

Now if the boy had stopped at the word rejection, James would probably have told him that it isn't really being rejected, cause he didn't see it that way. It wasn't as if Lily didn't have anyone else vying for her. It was the fact that Lily knew Snape before Hogwarts, so she tends to believe him, to put him in higher esteem than James. So Snape gets the benefit of the doubt and James gets the doubt. He was fighting an uphill battle since their first encounter on the train their first year. Besides is it really rejection if he ends it? If he gives up on her, on fighting for her?

No what caught his attention was Joram stating that he was rejected by his father. That had to be hard. He knew something about that since Sirius has had the similar thing happen. But the major difference is Sirius also rejects them, he hates them or most of them. But the way Joram said it, it was with a feeling of disappointment a feeling that he was inadequate, found lacking. James looked at Joram, trying to recall if he had heard anything about the family. He had to admit that he had not. "I wouldn't think your father would reject you." He said not really knowing the situation the boy was in. "Perhaps it's just a miscommunication or perception that isn't there." Most fathers and sons kinda get along unless they are very much alike then there can be some head butting, but deep down the father is proud of his son even though they don't admit it.

word count: 505

[vicente joram mortelle]

He looked at James, but then back out at the lake in no time. This was not the time to discuss anything about his father, this was not the time to discuss anything about his family and he knew it, but it has been one thing that has been bugging him his entire life. Only recently has his father sent him gratuitous amounts of praise only because he wasn't a squib, and apparently that was a really big thing with him. Joram wasn't a let down to his father because he was a pureblood, no surprise there, but he had barely even learned the family's trade secret and that was enough to push him over. “I'm really sorry about even implying that you could be chasing after a guy,” moving his hands into his pockets he looked back out at the lake and then to his feet, he was getting uncomfortable.

Girls never seemed to flock to him here like they did back home when he was in the normal school atmosphere with normal students, but it turns out that Joram is not a normal person after all. He needed to stop talking that was the issue, he liked to talk and it was a problem, even in class, he would talk and point would get deducted, but who can shut up when there is a hot girl sitting next to you? That's what he thought, and he more than often followed through with his thinking process. Talk to a girl, hook up, go on a couple of dates, score and then that was that, but it never ended up like that. It was more along the lines of, talk to a girl, get decked in the face, and that's going out to almost every girl here, back home completely different story, but if he was found out running around with a 'muggle' that was bad news to his father.

“You just don't understand the issue is all.” He wasn't meaning to come off rude if he was and he shifted in the snow a little bit. “It's more or less the fact that I am not fit to carry on the family line and that if I don't shape up I'm going to be disowned.” He would much rather be from a different family, one he didn't have to worry about carrying forward, it was like having the weight of the world on his shoulders and that was a problem he had. He hated responsibility and the fact that he wasn't even twenty was really edging on him.

“He expects far to much from me, and the fact that he was forcing something onto me is making me want to take it from a different angle.” Now Joram began to think about the subject, and also why the spotlight was turned onto him now. “What about you, why do you have that face of longing, and I know it's because of a girl. I've felt the same that you look so don't give me the 'I don't know' spiel.” Now why would James tell him something like that, he wouldn't take offense if he didn't want to talk about it, because he knew better than to pry in on someones inner feelings but if it could help the talking party out then why not try. It's better to be happy than pissed off all the time, and being pissed off is better than being pissed on. He laughed a little to himself at that thought and shook his head slowly.

“Potter, I know you have no bloody idea who I am, but it can be good talking to someone you don't know who actually gives a damn about someone else, even if they're in the completely opposite house. I understand the need to talk to someone who is willing to listen and I honestly don't get the option much, unless it's from my mom, but the problem is that if I had an issue with her I couldn't talk to her about it.” Which was true for the most part, but Joram gets along with his mother fairly well, at least when his father wasn't around, it was a pride thing. “Getting the opinion from a third party is usually better because they can look at it from a different angle. It just makes it a little easier, you know?” Well maybe he knew maybe he didn't but that wasn't going to stop Joram from trying, he knew he had no business with this Gryffindor, it was just a matter of luck running into each other out in the frigid weather and that could have been an issue if Joram didn't like the snow, but luckily he did.

Word Count: 818

[jamespotter]

Joram stated that he didn't understand the issue. James tended to agree for Joram hadn't said much but did follow up with the fact that he felt he wasn't or his father didn't think he was fit to carry on the family name. That he would be disowned if he didn't do as expected. Good Grief, that seemed a hell of a burden to put on a 15-year old. Moving over to a tree he leaned against the trunk, raising one leg, bending the knee, he placed the sole of his shoe against the bark.

The pressures families put on their children is ridiculous. Especially when they are in school, trying to learn so they can pass their O.W.Ls or N.E.W.T.s. Trying to adjust to their own bodies and issues with just growing up is awkward enough without the added pressure of turning out like you family 'thinks' you should. A carbon copy of them, instead of an individual daring to think or act any way other then what 'they' deem as appropriate. He folded his arms across his chest, raising a hand to his chin, rubbing it absent-mindedly as he pondered the boy's dilemma.

Thinking of others in Joram's situation or similar situation. He really couldn't think of any that were non-Slytherin. Unless you counted Sirius. But his family was all Slytherin. Was this an issue or trait of those associated with that house? Or did he just not really pay that much attention to others problems. Most of the people he knew just had the parental pressure of "doing good' in school, of passing with O's not with the threat of being 'disowned'.

He thought for a moment before speaking. Raising his focus from the ice covered twig he'd been looking at to Joram. "You can only be who you are, just be yourself, dare to be different and live your own life, your dreams, your expectations ... not of those around you. Regardless if they are family or friends, for after all, in the end, when it is all said and done, it is your life, not theirs."

He looked off across the lake thinking that what he said took courage to act upon. Something Slytherins aren't known to have ... courage. It was more of a Gryffindor trait. Sirius had it. He had courage to stand up to his family. To believe they were wrong and to tell them so. Remus had courage too. To not give into his 'furry' side, to stand up and say no he wasn't going to be a werewolf, not be something evil, but someone that can give back, a professor. Yes he knew about his friend's dream to teach. And though he kidded Remus about it, in the back of his mind he thought Remus would be an excellent teacher.

What about you...

He tore his thoughts away from his friends and listened to the Slytherin offer to be his sounding board. To listen to his problem. As the boy went on talking James wondered why? Why was Joram so interested in what was bothering him? More pointedly why did he assume it was girl issues? It could have been a number of things besides a girl. Was he that easy to read? He didn't think so, except perhaps to his closest friends, they knew him quite well, and frequently gave him their advice. Most recently it was Sirius. Telling him to move on, put himself back on the market. Which is why he came out here in the first place ... to think.

The boy was rather insistent, especially when he said don't give me the 'I don't know' spiel. In which James rose an eyebrow and glanced at the boy. James didn't 'open up' or tell his feelings to just anyone. He kept a lot inside, hidden. Usually people saw the prankster, the joker and the laughter. Or they saw his quick anger. The softer, caring and loving side he hid. For him it wasn't manly to let that side show except to a girl. In his case the ONE girl, Evans. But he rarely got the chance to show her that side of him. Hard to do with his sworn enemy sniffing around her all the time.

Pushing off from the tree, he bent over and picked up the twig he's looked at earlier. Throwing it sideways across the somewhat ice covered lake. Watching it skate across the ice that edged the lake before it slid off into the water. Not looking at Joram he spoke. "Got a girl I like, she doesn't like me." He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "End of story." Well that was the condensed version. No need to bore the kid with all the details "Basically trying to decide whether to annoy her more or just move on." Yes that was it in a nutshell.


word count 806