Heart on my Sleeve [Kira!]

[Remus John Lupin]

I don't need sympathy
or your apologies.
Why don't you understand?
The face you see,
well, it belongs to me,
and I'm doing the best I can-

Every now and then you have to see
that the wall we've built has landed on me,
every now and then why don't we pretend
that things will come together in the end.

Remus was doing pretty well considering. Annelise was gone to attend to the funeral of her brother. The news had spread rapidly and many of the students in the hallways were tense and afraid. Remus was no exception. What if something happened at the funeral? He hated not being able to be there, but the moon was waxing and Remus could not think of any way of being there for her that didn't mean putting her in imminent danger of being killed by him. He shuddered at the thought.
Today was just a normal day, even if the laughter in the hallways was a little less exuberant than usual. He was just on his way back from the hospital wing after getting a particularly bad silver burn from when they'd had to use a silver knife in potions. Remus hadn't been able to come up with an excuse, too distracted by the chaos around him and the thoughts of Annelise, nor had he had gloves (not that he would've worn them, it would've been too obvious) and thus he'd ignored the pain and waited for class to be over before going to the hospital wing to get it treated.

The matron had tutted at him and Remus had simply endured the stingy ointment. He didn't want a bandage, it would be too eye-catching, and he was not in the mood for any attention right now. He just wanted to be alone.
The moment it had become common knowledge that Annelise's squib brother was killed and she'd left school, people had apparently thought it would be a good idea to ask Remus what was going on - something Remus thought was immensely rude, actually. It was annoying how some people could be completely unsympathetic..

For that reason, Remus exited the school and decided to skip lunch. He didn't feel hungry anyway (which might be a side effect of silver poisoning, but Remus wasn't too concerned about that right now). He wondered how Annelise was doing. He sort of wanted to write her a letter, but then again he didn't want to bother her.. Maybe just a quick note to let her know he was thinking of her.
Once he stepped outside in the open air he felt his muscles relax and he smiled a little. It was in the middle of the day and although it was only April, it was remotely sunny. Remus liked the sun, and not just because it was the sheer opposite of the moon. It was warm, pleasant, welcoming, it made everything seem brighter. Yes, he was definitely going to skip lunch.
Smiling slightly to himself, he wandered on, trying to find himself a place to sit down and just enjoy the weather for a bit.

[kira]

Kira had been reading many books on vampires in the library ever since she had met Remus and that particularly uncomfortable feeling. There were many questions that those books had brought upon her, some of which she could answer quite well and others which left her pondering. It was a few good reads, though there was scarcely anything in there that was helpful for her current situation. There was one thing, more of a hint of something than anything else. Still, it got her to start looking at other magical creatures, particularly those that vampires did not enjoy or had a strange reaction to based upon a few suggestions from that book. During that time she had found herself letting her mind wander, one particular thought going to Remus. There must have been some sort of clue just with him, though she still remained unsure. It was hard to remember something she really had not paid much mind to, but she still tried.

When she had gone back though her mind she had to ponder those absences he had. He probably had the most absences out of anyone in the school and that seemed suspicious to her. Before meeting him Kira would have just brushed it off, but now it was something that was constantly bugging her. After a few more minutes of those thoughts she had decided to move onto the next book, though the library was starting to get a little bit old. Decidedly she took the book with her and had walked outside onto the lawn. At that time it was probably quite a bit before lunch would come around and the day would warm more. She had managed to find a nice hill to rest upon in the shadow of a tree. The shadow would probably move as the day went by but she did not expect to stay out there too long anyway. Perhaps when the shadow moved completely she would move herself back inside, but she figured she might as well enjoy the good day while she could.

During that time she read her book quickly, as with all the others trying to pick up any details that stood out This book had many small details about all sorts of creatures, many of which had a human or humanoid form. It was another interesting book to say the least but nothing it was really going on about matched with what she knew, though she really did not know too much to begin with. After a long while of that she had finally gotten near the end of the book, though it was during that time she could feel herself starting to doze. It really was true that she was more of a night person, or perhaps night creature as the case may be. It probably did not help that she had been going to sleep later and later during the week while still waking up in time to get to classes. Not usually a big deal for her really.

It had been a few hours or so since then, lunch finally about to start. The shadow of the tree had long since left Kira and the book had fallen beside her. She had dreamed some during her rest, some odd things happening in that mystical land and some things relating to the book she had just read. Still she would not hold out forever under the sun as she was, after all she was half vampire but still a vampire nonetheless. She could feel herself growing hotter before it began to turn into a burning pain. In her dream she could see a wolf, though it was not quite ordinary. In the darkness she could see it stalking her, only the light of the full moon making it visible to the eye. It pounced and Kira fought it off. It did not seem to matter though as she could feel the teeth and claws of the animal cut into her, causing a burning pain before her eyes opened and she found that the pain was real. She tried to get up, but the pain would only intensify. She managed to get to her knees, but she could feel her whole body shaking greatly at the effort.

[Remus John Lupin]

Oh, it wasn't that Remus wasn't puzzled by the instinctive animosity between Kira and himself, but hadn't attempted to unveil the mystery, either. He had the feeling it was bound to result in something unpleasant - either for him, her, or maybe even the both of them. So, he hadn't been researching, he hadn't even had the time to do so, to be honest. There was homework to be done, homework to catch up with, the fact Annelise's brother had died, and of course his friends also expected Remus to do fun things with them every once in a while. Rem's schedule as quite packed. Hence why he was so glad he had a bit of time to himself now.

He wandered around, heading for a tree in the distance which he knew was usually abandoned. He longed to lie in the sun a little, soak up some of its warmth before returning inside and attending his afternoon classes. The prospect of some peace and quiet even made him forget about his aching hand.
The closer he got, however, he felt a familiar yet unfamiliar sensation upon him. He'd felt it only once before, and that was when he'd been near Kira, but he didn't see her at once. It wasn't until he saw her struggling to get up that he noticed her, and although the idea of being near her made his guts wrench, it was obvious she was in pain of some sort, and he didn't hesitate (well.. not long anyway) before running over.
"Are you alright?" Okay, stupid question, she obviously wasn't, but Remus sort of hoped she would tell him she was fine so he could go. He felt terrible for thinking it and, after some hesitation, helped her up and allowed her to lean on him.
"Should I get you to the hospital wing?" he stammered, shaken by how the wolf raged at the physical contact he'd established. He tried to focus. "What happened? Did someone do this to you?" Remus couldn't see or smell anyone, and for a moment he almost feared that maybe Hogwarts wasn't as safe from Death Eaters as Dumbledore had assured them.. But then again, why was she still alive if she had been attacked.
His mind whirled a little, confused, and Remus tried not to focus on his thoughts for now, just waited for Kira to answer - it was no good drawing conclusions without any facts.

[kira]

Her jaw was clenched tightly, as if it would somehow hold the pain back. Trying to think calmly Kira allowed herself to look around with a wince and slight groan. There did not seem to be anyone in sight, not another student or professor. How unlucky could she possibly be? Of course it had been within her nature to pick the most abandoned tree there was out on the lawn and of course she had to fall asleep out in the sunniest day Hogwarts has had in quite a while. It was her pessimistic side showing, but there was little else she could do. Within her pain most of her thoughts went to why this had to happen to her, well most of the thoughts that she could think anyway. At some points her mind just seemed to blank as the pain intensified a bit. It just felt as if her skin was going to burn away any minute if it were not already, though she could clearly see that her skin was still there and not on fire.

If it were not for that feeling she might not have noticed him, though it was probably a miracle that she was even able to notice the feeling itself. Still Kira felt it and she was almost glad for the uncomfortableness that Remus brought her with the exception that it really was not helping her condition to have him near her. When he touched her she flinched away from him a bit as a bit of pain flared up and the uncomfortable feeling spiked a bit. Her nerve endings felt as if they were on fire, but after a moment of contact with Remus' cooler skin they calmed a bit and eased at least some of the pain away for a moment. It cleared her mind for a moment, enough to focus on Remus' questions, though she ignored the first one he had asked finding it pointless to actually answer given her condition.

She could feel herself shaking quite a bit even as Remus allowed her to lean on him, the contact relieving yet stressful at the same time. His second question had been lost to pain as she tried to focus, but she had managed to catch his third one which was actually two questions spoken one right after another. She managed a shake of her head, no one had attacked her after all unless he counted the sun as a person. She tried to ease the pain away with a long breath, but it really did not help much and she ended up just wincing instead. After that failed attempt Kira found her eyes looking up quickly, the castle was not that far away, but still a bit out of their reach, she was unsure if she could actually make it that far.

Kira let her eyes fall to the ground for a moment before she looked up at Remus. "I need a colder place," she said breathlessly, "no sunlight." The cold stones of the castle would help, but she tried to look around for another alternative that was a bit closer. There was not much in the area though, a tree only able to give her shade but not the cooling relief her skin wanted to feel. Yes, probably the most unlucky person ever right at that moment, or at least that was really what she felt like. Even worse after this Remus would probably find out what she was. The possibility of others finding out seemed quite frightening and she was not even sure if the fact that her very being was being threatened at that moment was scarier than that possibility of her secret being exposed to another or possibly the entire school if he felt like talking. With that in mind she felt even worse.

[Remus John Lupin]

Her skin was hot against his own. A fever maybe? Remus wasn't sure, but he knew that whatever was wrong with her it wasn't good, not at all. It didn't help that the uncomfortable feeling seemed to affect the both of them, still, and he couldn't help but feel guilty as she flinched away from his touch. He could understand, though - he desperately wanted to do the same. She was having trouble focusing and seemed to be thinking, and Remus gathered all the patience he had to wait for her answers.
He was glad to find no one had attacked her in any way, but it made the mystery all the more foggy. What was happening to her, then? People didn't get fevers out of nowhere. Remus blinked and tried not to focus on the riddle, but on getting Kira to the hospital wing or doing anything that would help. It wasn't important now, what was important was getting her to safety, as she really wasn't doing very well. He could tell by the unfocused gaze in her eyes and the fact that, at some point, she stopped flinching away from him - especially that last bit was particularly bad. When did beings abandon their instincts, after all? Things had to be very, very grim for them to do that.

"I need a colder place, no sunlight." Without thinking, Remus heard himself ask 'are you allergic?' but then decided the question didn't matter much. He looked around, in need of shade, and moved her back in the tree's shadow as a start. The castle was probably best.. but the Forbidden Forest was closer, and Remus knew from experience that the air was always thicker and cooler there, because of the high trees and the general air of the place. Besides that, it was near the lake, and perhaps water could cool her down.
Without thinking it over longer than necessary, Remus picked Kira up without a second thought. She hardly weighed anything, not to him, anyway, and he started jogging towards the forest without a word. It probably looked ridiculous, especially as Remus looked about ready to collapse under the weight, because he was so thin - it looked immensely out of character. Soon, though, he arrived at the forest and he walked in about fifteen yards until they were surrounded by huge, dark trees. The air was humid, Remus exhaled slowly and put Kira down carefully. This ought to be better, and he looked at the girl expectantly, hoping she'd confirm this soon. "Anything you need?" he asked. "Water? Something?" His hand want to his wand to do anything necessary and he pulled a face as the burnt skin on his hand complained at the movement.
Allergy. Silver allergy. Sun allergy. Remus face turned pensive for a moment and he looked at Kira briefly, but didn't say a word. It would be unfair to assume.

[kira]

Kira had heard the question, though if she were not in pain she might have a better chance of thinking about it. She probably would not have exactly called it an allergy to the sun or anything like that, yet it sometimes seemed like that was what it was. In truth she probably would have just called it something of a growing weakness. As the years went by she found that she could stay out for shorter periods of times in sun just like the one that was shining now. When she was a first year she probably could have slept out here and not had to worry as much, probably waking up only after a few hours. Now, though, it seemed that she could never even try to take a nap outside unless it was an overcast day, perhaps if she were sleeping in a tree where the sun would not reach her even. It was something she would have to live with now, though she disliked the idea greatly, and she could only hope that her sensitivity would not grow too much more.

When he had moved her into the shade of the nearby tree she felt the relief of being out of direct sunlight, the constant burning at least toning down a bit. It was still quite there though, paining her as it seemed like it would take forever to go away. The colder and shadier the place the quicker the pain would leave her and she could recover. It was why she had requested such a place instead of just moving back into the shade of the tree. Kira might be able to recover just sitting there, but it would take quite a while with how hot it was and she would prefer to be in pain for the shortest time possible, as most creatures would. Taking the brief moment of slight relief she managed to look around with her eyes, trying to focus them long enough that she could find a good spot to point out. Of course it seemed that she was a little late in that as she was plucked up right off the ground by Remus, surprising her slightly but not really having the energy to show it.

It was odd that Remus seemed to have no trouble carrying her, despite how meek and skinny he seemed. In the back of her mind somewhere she probably thought it odd that he could carry her weight and run with no problems, though where her mind certainly was now was on the burning pain seeping into any of her exposed skin as he carried her across the lawn in the sunlight. Kira clung to his shirt out of pain, her knuckles white as if the more she tensed her hands the less pain she might feel. It was not working, of course, but that point seemed to have escaped her through her pain. She had barely noticed where they were going, but once they reached the shade of the tall trees of the forest she could feel her grip loosen slightly and exhaustion starting to come over her. Just fighting off that kind of pain was tiring and even now she was still feeling it, like hot pokers stabbing at her.

Kira felt herself being placed down and she relished in the cool feel of the soft earth beneath her. The forest itself was cooler than the lawns had been and she knew her body temperature would start to lower soon, though it might be a bit slow. Still, even just a lessening of the pain that she had been feeling was a great relief. Her mind was coming back to rational thoughts instead of the near panic she had been feeling throughout the ordeal. If Dumbledore found out about this she would probably get a very long lecture or something, though with him she could never be too sure. Her thoughts were interrupted when Remus spoke again and she focused her eyes onto him. Blood was the first thought that came to her mind, but she let it go no further than that. Instead she just shook her head a bit. "No," she said quietly, a bit weak now, "I should be fine after a while.." Looking over him she could make out a bit of scratches going under his clothing and she wondered where he had gotten them from. Her dream had flashed into her mind for a moment and the fear she had felt, she found that it was similar to this feeling, the feeling she had around Remus. For a moment her mind stopped and she looked to Remus again. His absences had always been one time a month always near the same time as the last month. He was able to carry easily her despite looking so weak and the signs of what she had learned from reading and class, it seemed to fit rather well. Kira allowed herself a moment to examine him before turning her gaze away to the side, a slight wince escaping her from the movement. She had figured him out, but now what was she to say?

[Remus John Lupin]

Remus had the distinct feeling he wasn't going to have his hour of peace and quiet before class. He was glad to see that she was instantly feeling better (especially as her cry of pain had sounded terrible in his sensitive ears), though his suspicions were aroused now, more than before. He hadn't considered the option that she was, perhaps, not human, and had almost forgotten that there were, of course, other humanoid creatures that were considered dangerous. Not that he was going to distrust Kira instantly, but he did step back just a little, better to be safe than sorry - he had no idea how she would react and, in all honesty, expected her to lunge at him and attack him or something.

"No, I should be fine after a while.." Remus nodded slowly. "Good," he said softly, still looking at her from a distance, hands in his pockets and, seemingly, very calm. He wasn't calm at all, and his nervousness turned to downright panic when he felt her looking at him, examining him closely, and he frowned deeper when something dawned on her face, she winced, and it cut right though his appearing calm.
Remus waited for a moment, but Kira said nothing, and it annoyed him to no end. The moon was a little too near, and when a minute had passed without a word, he hissed: "Well? Not going to run?" He half turned away from her, scowling slightly. "Or aren't you strong enough yet to get up on your own?"

He wasn't usually this hurtful, but he had just saved her life, and she hadn't as much as thanked him, and at this moment she looked frozen by what she'd just found out, while she should have been that one person who should've been understanding from the moment she unraveled his riddle.
Problem was, Remus wasn't angry with her, he was disappointed. He wasn't even so much disappointed in her - he had expected this reaction - he was disappointed with himself for giving himself away, for perhaps having to leave school now, for being stupid enough to stop thinking and risk himself and betray the trust Dumbledore had bestowed in him.
"I suppose you can't tell anyone, being in a similar position as me it would be as bad for you as for me, but you're sure as hell going to avoid me, aren't you?" he continued, unable to stop his thoughts from slipping off his tongue. "After all those unprejudiced words, you're going to be just the same as everyone else, aren't you?" It had been a rhetorical question, a question Remus didn't want to know the answer to, to be honest, and he turned away from her fully, planning on leaving right this instant and hoping they would never cross paths again.

[kira]

Kira had not meant for her silence to be taken as such, mostly she had been in quiet thought of their last conversation and what she had just found out. Never really having met anyone with a similar situation as her she really was unsure how to approach such a conversation and so she had done what she would normally do, quietly withdraw into herself. Remus had not seemed like the kind to react in such a way, but such a reaction was understandable once viewed objectively. Still, it had annoyed her a little that he would think such a thing about her, but then he really barely knew her at all. Instead of immediately reacting to his anger she stayed silent and waited for him to finish. It just seemed like before she could really get a better response from him she had to wait until he was finished venting his anger. Perhaps he needed to get it out anyway, he had probably had such thoughts and feelings bottled up inside of him for a while, she knew she had similar feelings as well after all. Perhaps it was only natural for such feelings to occur with the kind of lives they had though.

"I could ask the same of you," she said softly as her gaze stared up to the canopy of leaves above, "you stepped away from me before, as if you thought I might actually attack you. Perhaps you thought that I could truly be a monster of some sort. I am quite capable of such a feat, but I don't wish to be seen as such by everyone who knows. Knowing that you know what I am I cannot deny that it hurt to know you thought that I may bring you harm even though you had just saved me. As I should understand you then you must understand me. I have never met another my own age who may have experienced anything similar in their lives, though I don't know who yours has gone entirely aside from the fact you were not born as such like I. Perhaps you are lucky in that though, you have memories of a normal life to fall back on." She did not look at him, more just thinking of things would could have been.

After a moment of silence Kira sat up slowly, holding in a breath of pain that remained as she got into a comfortable position leaning against a nearby tree. "I remained silent because I was unsure of how to approach the situation. I did not want to say something completely stupid or wrong to offend you, but with my social inability it seemed I probably would have lost either way." She felt sorry that he had taken her silence the wrong way, though she had not meant any harm by it. It had only been that she needed time to come up with something to say, but there had just been no words that she could think of at that moment. Her face held a calm look, a sort of sadness lurking behind her eyes somewhere, but for what exactly even she was unsure of. Perhaps it had always been there but she had always hidden it well. It really seemed to matter little to her for the moment though.

"You have close friends. I've seen you around them every now and again. They probably know your secret as well, after all you probably wouldn't trust them so much if they didn't. Perhaps you're better at this game of life than I am," she said with a soft sigh, "you should probably get back, your friends will notice your absence sooner or later. Besides, afternoon classes will probably start soon as well." She felt that she had been so stupid and reckless now. Kira had probably already made a bit of a fool of herself, at least in her mind anyway. All that time spent alone, locked away in a house or even within her own mind and ignoring the world, whether willingly or unwillingly. She just could not seem to interact with the world properly, normally, and she was starting to grow tired of it, of everything. Sure she would probably go back to her common room some point later in the day, but that emptiness she had begun to develop would still be there. Even by those similar to her she was misunderstood and such a thought only made her feel more alone in the world.

[Remus John Lupin]

Remus had not meant to be angry and irritable, but he had been, and the moment he'd said it, he felt sorry for it. Of course she hadn't known how to react - he hadn't either, and as a result he had snapped at her. Ashamed, he felt a blush rise on his cheeks, but he did not apologise just yet, feeling too stubborn to do so. Besides, her lack of objection to his accusation while he was speaking annoyed him as well - had he been accused as such, he would probable not have waited for the other to finish (not this close to full moon, anyway).
He should not have jumped to conclusions, but Remus had rather said it himself than to hear it from her mouth. It was always easier to say "I'm a monster" than to hear someone else say "you're a monster", after all.

"I could ask the same of you, you stepped away from me before, as if you thought I might actually attack you. Perhaps you thought that I could truly be a monster of some sort. I am quite capable of such a feat, but I don't wish to be seen as such by everyone who knows. Knowing that you know what I am I cannot deny that it hurt to know you thought that I may bring you harm even though you had just saved me. As I should understand you then you must understand me. I have never met another my own age who may have experienced anything similar in their lives, though I don't know who yours has gone entirely aside from the fact you were not born as such like I. Perhaps you are lucky in that though, you have memories of a normal life to fall back on." Most of her words never fully reached Remus' mind. His heartbeat was loud in his ears and his head was spinning at what had just occurred. How could she be so calm after finding out what he was, after finding out they were sort of similar, after realising they might just understand each other, or - like now - not at all.
"I thought it better to be safe rather than sorry," he muttered. "I'm easily annoyed this time of the month." That was probably be as close to an apology she would be getting anytime soon, as Remus' was still unfocused and rather overwhelmed by emotions, which caused him to go by instinct rather than logic. "And don't consider being born human lucky," he added, voice barely a whisper, but his eyes narrowed a little. Who was she to assume that that would make him happier? That it would make his parents happier, or the family, that had stopped visiting after his change? How could she not consider the contrast only made it worse?
He had jumped to conclusions, alright, but like him she had no right to do that, either.

Apparently, Kira was still trying to explain to him, and Remus tried his hardest to listen, but thoughts tumbled over each other in his head like a waterfall.
"I remained silent because I was unsure of how to approach the situation. I did not want to say something completely stupid or wrong to offend you, but with my social inability it seemed I probably would have lost either way." Remus just half nodded and shrugged. What else could he say to that? 'I'm sorry you're socially inept?' That would've been harsh, and as Remus could somehow think of nothing nice to say, he decided it was better to say nothing at all.

"You have close friends. I've seen you around them every now and again. They probably know your secret as well, after all you probably wouldn't trust them so much if they didn't. Perhaps you're better at this game of life than I am. You should probably get back, your friends will notice your absence sooner or later. Besides, afternoon classes will probably start soon as well." Remus humphed as she spoke of his friends. "Don't pretend to know me just because our fates are similar," he mumbled, though he sounded less angry than he had before. "You don't know what it takes for me to trust someone, you have no idea how I became friends with them, it was an accident - the best accident I ever experienced, but an accident, still. It's nothing to do with being 'good at life', no one is good at 'life', it isn't a skill."
He exhaled slowly. "If you want me to leave, you can just tell me, instead of telling me not to miss afternoon classes," Remus muttered, annoyed that she was basically telling him what to do. It was at this moment that he realised what actually annoyed him most. 'Perhaps you're better at this game of life than I am.'
It had been the way she was isolating herself, and blaming herself for it. Remus felt annoyed by the fact that Kira could be so much more if she just tried, but was afraid to break out of the circle she was in now. He knew how difficult it was, and he had been pulled out by his friends, sure, but he hated it that he was, basically, being confronted by the way he'd used to think. Had he really been like that? Had he been that pessimistic? He couldn't remember seeing Kira smile or laugh ever, had he been like that in first year? He didn't want to believe he'd been so like to Kira in mindset, but he had been, and now he couldn't stand it that she was being so dismissive, sending him away and isolating herself once more, like he couldn't help, like no one could help, while Remus knew from experience that that was trollshit.

He inhaled deeply and sighed, unsure whether he should tell her, if he should tell her to snap out of it, but Remus also knew it wasn't that easy. For now, the werewolf decided to muster all the patience he had for now, and at least wait for her reaction.
Secretly, he sort of hoped she'd be angry, show a passionate, strong emotion like that, without control, and feel alive.

[kira]

Though it may have annoyed Remus that she had not objected it was just not in her habit to object, at least not initially. She had grown up being called such similar words and had learn to ignore them else something worse might come. Her great aunt had never been abusive, but that did not mean she would stop the other members of the family that came to visit either. So, to live within that house, Kira had just learned to ignore everything even if it looked like she were listening. Besides, the anger she felt, if she had shown that to them then they would only use it to prove their words. To show her that she could only be a monster, a beast, inhuman. If anything she could not bare that to be thrown into her face so she had stayed quiet, perhaps in hopes that they would see how wrong they were. She doubted that would ever happen, but for some reason that hope had never truly left her. Perhaps it was she wanted to prove everyone wrong, everyone that might think that way. If she wanted to do such a feat then she could never give up in her life.

Better safe than sorry, it would probably always be that way. Such a thought made Kira feel a little hopeless, like that all her efforts will be for nothing in the future. There was little that she could ever hope for, a loving family or friends who knew but did not care, but she still clung to that hope that one day she could just be accepted by someone. Her father was trying to get back into her life, but she was unsure if she should lay her trust in him. It was a hard thing for her, but he did seem very understanding of it when she had met him. She really wanted to say yes, perhaps they could be a real family, but fear held her back. He had already abandoned her once and she did not think she could actually go through that now. Being a baby the first time she had no memory of what had happened, but if it happened again it would stick with her for life and she did not want to bare that as well as the burdens she carried now. She would just be crushed under their weight.

"You speak as if you have no one at home," she said quietly, "you said your father was a good father, I had assumed that still held today and that he still wanted you. If that remains true then you have more than me for the moment." Kira did not bother to mention a mother, she would rather not talk about that anyway. She wanted to blame her for her absence, but she could not bare to. How could she? Her mother had given her life by sacrificing herself. She had probably planned on being there for her child, but she just did not have the strength to live through it. If anyone Kira could only blame herself for it had been she who took that life. "Some people would beg to differ," she said when she heard him speak again, "the successful ones like to think they are good in life, that it is a skill. If it is as you say then perhaps you are only lucky. A little luck is good to have, though for others it seems that such a thing has abandoned them." She did not actually believe in luck, but it did feel that way just the same.

"You seemed so eager to leave before, but perhaps now you wish to stay if only to prove my words wrong," she said quietly, her voice losing the softness and turning empty as if she were trying to just lose all emotions now, "if that is the case then there is no point in you staying. I don't care if you stay, though I do thank you for saving me. I can take care of myself from here if that is your only concern though." Kira was pushing him away now. She had figured him out and they had spoken on it, but it seemed that the conversation would go no where and that they would no longer get along. There was no point in it, no purpose anymore. Just as she always had she decided that she did not need his comfort or friendship, that she could live alone once more like she always. If a person who was supposedly cursed in life in a similar fashion could not quite understand then what hope did she have with the rest of the world? She would not force her presence onto him, she would rather he leave in that case.

[Remus John Lupin]

Remus chewed his lip and rubbed his eyes, sitting on the soil with a sigh, obviously not going anywhere.
"You speak as if you have no one at home, you said your father was a good father, I had assumed that still held today and that he still wanted you. If that remains true then you have more than me for the moment." Remus blinked. "I have wonderful parents," he said, not sure if he should be offended or surprised. "And seeing the pain in their eyes is the most terrible thing you can imagine." He ran a hand through his hair. "You shouldn't compare yourself to others, I know it's something we all probably do without really thinking about it, but you should really try not to.." he muttered, his voice softening now. He hesitated for a moment.
"I'm sorry.. I fear we got off on the wrong foot, I didn't mean to be, I'm sorry - waxing moon and everything," he stammered, the wolf growling lowly in his head, mocking Remus for backing down. "It's just.. Not that I know you very well, but I feel you could be so much more if you just.. gave things a chance." He looked away a moment. Who was he to give her advice? Still, he had to get it off his chest.

"Some people would beg to differ, the successful ones like to think they are good in life, that it is a skill. If it is as you say then perhaps you are only lucky. A little luck is good to have, though for others it seems that such a thing has abandoned them." Remus exhaled slowly. "The more you think that, the more you're going to believe it," he objected. "I know it's not easy to be positive, but some things are worth trying and failing.."
"You seemed so eager to leave before, but perhaps now you wish to stay if only to prove my words wrong, if that is the case then there is no point in you staying. I don't care if you stay, though I do thank you for saving me. I can take care of myself from here if that is your only concern though." Remus frowned. "No, no.. it's not like that." He ran his hand through his hair. "It's just.. I haven't- I wasn't ready for someone I hardly know to suddenly-" He fumbled with his fingers a little. "Have you got any idea how frightening it is? School is all I have, it might be all I'll ever have - I mean to make the most of it," he softly said.

Remus wasn't sure what to expect now. She might still dismiss him, she might talk to him. He didn't know. One thing was sure, Remus was sure they were not going to be best friends in five minutes - that needed time, but he did believe that they might find a sort of comfort in each other, maybe. They were very different, but it would be cowardly of him to choose the easy way now and leave her. Remus knew he would feel guilty if he left her feeling as she did now.

[kira]

Usually Kira did not compare herself to others, there was usually no point seeing as everyone was so different from her. But Remus was similar in circumstance, but his life still seemed so different. Had there been a point to comparing her own life with what little she knew of his? Perhaps somewhere in her mind there had been. He seemed happier than she did and perhaps she should be happy for him that another probably was not suffering so harshly as she had. Still, even with him there trying to be friendly now she felt alone. Some part of her did not want him to be there, saying she was being weak for clinging to such needs as company or that she could never truly trust anyone. The other part of her claimed that this would be good for her, that everyone needed someone else to talk to and to give him another chance. Perhaps that was the human side of her talking, she was unsure, but she was tired of always taking care of herself, of always being alone with no one to trust. That other part might mock her for being weak willed, but she did not care, not when she was growing tired of life itself.

Trying and failing. That was one thing about Kira was that she hated failure, more importantly her failures. If she was going to try something then she wanted to ensure success, if she had to try something without have that assurance then she would tread the waters carefully. But jumping out on a limb was so unlike her and what made it worse was she had no one to catch her if she were to fall. This place she had managed to get herself trapped into was not something she could get out of on her own, she needed support and acceptance, something to fall back on if things went horribly wrong. Without that she would never bother to try in fear that it would break her in the end. "People are fragile things, one slip and one will end up in a thousand pieces, unwilling to fit back together to become whole again." She would rather stay the way she was rather than risk losing herself. Kira was already to close to the edge to try backing away for she would not know if she was backing away to safety or to do a running jump.

"If you worry I might tell someone you shouldn't," she said quietly, "I don't have anyone to tell nor to I have reason to. In any case you hold my secret above my head as well so even if I did have reason I could not tell. You can still enjoy the school while you have the chance without worry of me to ruin it for you. Perhaps you already have enough troubles without having to worry about me anyway." What was done was done and there was nothing that Kira could do about Remus knowing her secret now. He probably would not tell anyone, but even if he did, by accident or otherwise, she would manage to get through it somehow. She managed to grow up to this point with cold stares at her back so why not now? If it did get out she had to wonder what would happen, surely Dumbledore would not tell her to leave, but with the fear she might instill she would feel obligated to do so anyway. There would also be trouble with any student wishing to suddenly gain the title 'vampire slayer.' It would probably be in everyone's best interest if she left if such a thing were to occur.

"What do you do when you feel like you have nothing, Remus?" It was an honest question, one she knew the answer to for herself. Whenever she felt like that or just felt sad or lonely she would sing to herself probably up in the Astronomy tower where she would be alone. It was her one comfort that she could turn to instead of just crying or anything like that, crying did not help after all and she had not done the act since she was a child. Crying just showed that they could get to her and make her upset. Kira did not like that feeling, feeling like they had some sort of control over her, so she had stopped. She buried all her tears away and left them behind.

[Remus John Lupin]

Remus had the impression she was comparing her to others because she was constantly saying how her life was miserable whilst others were 'good at life'. It was a pessimistic outlook and although Remus couldn't deny that he had pessimistic moods of his own, of course, he did, generally, try to have a positive outlook on life. It seemed Kira tried to be either pessimistic or indifferent, afraid to be disappointed. In Remus eyes, that was no way to live - he couldn't imagine that Kira could feel alive like that. He had been like that when he'd attended Hogwarts and then his friends had shown him a completely different side of life, which made Remus find a balance between living and being cautious.

"People are fragile things, one slip and one will end up in a thousand pieces, unwilling to fit back together to become whole again." Remus raised an eyebrow. "Unwilling, indeed," he muttered, then added: "You forget you're not 'people'. And apart from that, people aren't fragile at all, that's the remarkable thing about humans and humanoid creatures - they have failed so often in the past, both as a society and as individuals, and we always bounce back." Remus needed to get his point across, his eyes seemed to burn with the passion he wanted her to experience, if only just once, so she could realise it could be different.
He decided to take a risk, tell something personal, open up, and hoped that would prompt her to do the same. "Kira, I was bitten when I was nine, I almost died, my father was fired, my heart broke every morning after when I'd see my parents at my bed tearfully, and sometimes I wished I had died," he softly said. He'd never really told anyone about this before. "Now I'm glad I live. Even if you're careful, even if you calculate everything, nothing will always go the way you want it to, there will always be failures." He laughed, a little nervously. "I hate failures, but isn't every failure at least an opportunity to learn? You might think we're made of porcelain and that we'll fall to pieces and all that, but we don't." Remus tried to find her eyes and lock with them, even if it made him feel uncomfortable. "Look at us now, we made the one mistake we swore we'd never make, right? We'd never let anyone find out, and we have - don't you think we can at least turn this mistake into something positive?"

"If you worry I might tell someone you shouldn't, I don't have anyone to tell nor to I have reason to. In any case you hold my secret above my head as well so even if I did have reason I could not tell. You can still enjoy the school while you have the chance without worry of me to ruin it for you. Perhaps you already have enough troubles without having to worry about me anyway."
Remus shook his head slightly. "I don't worry you might tell, but are you surprised it was the first thought in my mind? It was probably yours, too. It is the worst case scenario, isn't it?" He half shrugged and sighed slightly. He really did hope his words had any effect on Kira at all.

"What do you do when you feel like you have nothing, Remus?" It was an honest question, indeed, and also a very personal question - but Remus was willing to overlook that if it meant getting through to her.
"It depends," he confessed. "It depends what the reason is. Sometimes I just need to be alone and wallow in self pity for a while, sometimes I talk to people, sometimes I don't say anything and I just do something for the sake of getting my mind of things.." He shrugged. "There's not one answer to that question, because not every time I feel terrible is the same." His voice had gone lower in volume when he answered this, because actually, he wasn't really that willing to talk about it. Not now. He didn't want to think about the times when he felt nothing would ever go right, but he could at least give Kira an honest answer, he felt he owed her that.

[kira]

The life Kira had known thus far had been filled with little but a small hope that perhaps things might get better. This small bit of hope she held somewhere within her was something she could never actually allow to grow though, hating disappointment when she should have known better. She clung to it though at times, wishing for that small hope to come true at some point. For the moment she would probably deny that small hope existed at all, being as she was at the time. Having almost died she would probably be quite down for a while before returning to her more usual, indifferent self. Life would go on and she would return to her studies. Perhaps she might even be able to put this conversation in the back of her mind at some point, though she got the feeling that the some point she was thinking of would not be anytime soon. They both would probably be on edge for at least a day or two after they departed from each other, after all they did scarcely know one another and trust did not seem come easily to either of them, despite being in similar situations.

"Everyone has a breaking point," she said with a sigh, "it's just a matter of time before one can be broken. Perhaps it doesn't happen often to people, but there are times when that breaking point is reached." Perhaps it was the slight debate over the human nature but she was starting to feel slightly better, if only because she did not like to be wrong. Kira was a stubborn person and if given enough cause might actually get into a lengthy debate over something very trivial. When Remus started speaking again she listened, closing her eyes for a moment and trying to get her weakened body to relax a little. She still felt on edge and Remus' presence really did not help the tenseness in her body to go away. It was something that could not be helped though. Even if they managed to become the best of friends there would always be that feeling between them, like they should be fighting each other back or running away. It was not the ideal situation for any friendship to endure, but if they were to be friends of any sort they would have to deal with it one way or another.

"Perhaps you just don't want to make such a dangerous enemy," she paused a moment before opening her eyes again, the chestnut color flashing to crimson briefly before resettling to brown as if to prove her point. A small smirk appeared on her face though, as if to show she was not being quite so serious, "what you request is not an easy thing for me though. When I was born I lost my mother. She gave me life as I took the last of hers away. In losing my mother I would also lose my father. In his distraught he gave up, sending me to live with my mother's aunt as he had no living family to care for me. I have never known a normal life, never able to be accepted by my remaining family. They locked me away for most of my life, only their lowly mocking sifting through the halls of that empty house really reaching me. It was no way to live, but it was the only way I knew. Unlike you I am always a danger and no one will ever trust me. It's just the way it's been for me, it probably always will be as well."

To his next words she simply shook her head negatively. "Once I figured you out I knew it was unlikely you would tell, not when I also knew your secret. It would be too big a risk for yourself." Before she had known what he was she had fretted him spreading rumors about her, though after she found out she really had not thought about it, being too preoccupied with the revelation of what he was. At his next words she looked thoughtful for a moment. "I sing to take my mind away from thinking too much," she said quietly, "if I'm not thinking about it then I won't feel as bad." Kira had no one to talk to and doing nothing had never set well with her when her mood turned sour. In a way, singing lifted her spirit a bit.

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[Remus John Lupin]

It wasn't working, Remus realised. She wasn't listening, or maybe she didn't want to believe him, or she had honestly convinced herself that he was wrong - he didn't know, but his words had no effect at all.
"Everyone has a breaking point, it's just a matter of time before one can be broken. Perhaps it doesn't happen often to people, but there are times when that breaking point is reached." Remus exhaled slowly, tired, and glanced away, towards the school, which looked so light in comparison to the dark, dank forest they were in now. Remus chose not to reply. What was the use? The conversation was rapidly draining his energy, and he felt his patience was yet again wearing thin.

Kira listened to him in silence, and he noticed her close her eyes but neither of them were relaxed. The instincts were too prominent, especially in Remus' head, and he now feared they might never get over them.
"Perhaps you just don't want to make such a dangerous enemy." Her eyes flashed and changed colour and as Remus could feel himself cower, the wolf rose to the challenge and growled lowly in the back of his mind. Remus could only imagine what his own eyes looked like, probably nowhere near friendly. Kira smirked at him, but in his current distraction, Remus couldn't judge whether it was joking or sardonic.
"What you request is not an easy thing for me though. When I was born I lost my mother. She gave me life as I took the last of hers away. In losing my mother I would also lose my father. In his distraught he gave up, sending me to live with my mother's aunt as he had no living family to care for me. I have never known a normal life, never able to be accepted by my remaining family. They locked me away for most of my life, only their lowly mocking sifting through the halls of that empty house really reaching me. It was no way to live, but it was the only way I knew. Unlike you I am always a danger and no one will ever trust me. It's just the way it's been for me, it probably always will be as well." He ran a hand through his hair. "Don't cherish the illusion I am less dangerous than you," he muttered, half objecting to her, yet again, though his tone of voice betrayed that he had already given up. "And there is no such thing as a 'normal life'," he whispered. Why was he even still trying?

"Once I figured you out I knew it was unlikely you would tell, not when I also knew your secret. It would be too big a risk for yourself." Calculating Ravenclaw - he shouldn't be surprised, being on her guard constantly, she probably had an exceptionally strategic mind.
Remus slowly got up. She'd been right. He had afternoon classes to tend to, and the way things stood now, she was going to allow him to help her, or listen to him, or believe him. Remus was almost surprised at the amount of disappointment the realisation brought about. "I sing to take my mind away from thinking too much, if I'm not thinking about it then I won't feel as bad." He nodded a little, glancing around uncomfortably.
"Well, you make it sound as though I'm not needed here," he said, with half a smile he didn't mean. "I suppose you should be glad of it, at least you can look after yourself." Kira seemed to think his friends only gave him strength and they usually did, but Remus was also immensely dependent on them. Still.. he'd rather be happy than independent.