In his velvet mind [Sirii]

[Sirius Black!]

Sirius felt annoyed that Remus completely disregarded his points about Kira. Of course he did, Sirius thought bitterly to himself, The moment I make a point, it’s no longer an argument... he makes a point and he’s King Genius. He became even more irritated, if that was possible, by Remus completely ignoring it. Wasn’t that what the argument was about in the first place? That Remus was stupid and admitted to someone that he was a werewolf, much less to a werewolf’s natural enemy? He was going to comment, but instead he got distracted by what Remus had said. Sirius laughed humourlessly at Remus’ attempt to be witty. Normally, Sirius would have admitted that Remus was quick on that one, but at that moment in his mind it was pathetic.

“Okay, Remus, I’m the one with the girl’s voice. Because out of the two of us, I’m obviously the more feminine one,” Sirius remarked, sarcastically. He had the urge to roll his eyes, but didn’t due to the fact that he had the feeling that enough of it had already gone on. For some reason, Sirius was suddenly aware that the two of them were alone. It was strange that not another person had come into the dormitory yet, considering usually whenever Sirius did want time alone (as infrequently as that was) it felt as if there was always someone coming and going. He had been arguing with Remus for quite some time, so either people heard them and decided to stay out, or no one legitimately wanted in. Sirius wasn’t sure if he wanted any interruptions or not. As much as he believed that if someone came in they might break up the argument, he wasn’t sure if he wanted that to happen. Besides, he knew himself as well as anyone and he would probably just snap at them as well.

Remus spun around so fast at Sirius’ remarks about pups that Sirius was actually caught off-guard. There was a moment in which the two of them just looked at each other. In that instant, Sirius wasn’t even sure what he saw in Remus. All he could feel was a burning sensation in his stomach and the feeling as if hatred was actually running through his veins. He knew how easily it would be to truly destroy Remus – how easily it would be to just run out now and tell everyone about how Remus was a werewolf. Of course, Remus could always retaliate and tell the world of how Sirius was an unregistered Animagus, but in the long run, Remus would still be more screwed over. However, as much as Sirius liked to entertain that concept, he knew he would never do such a thing.

At Sirius’ last comments, Remus rushed at him suddenly. The next thing he knew, he felt pain as he was shoved up against the stone wall harshly. The breath was momentarily knocked out of him and it took him a moment to realize what was happening. Sirius had never been on the receiving end of Remus’ strength in human form, nor had he ever witnessed it either. If Sirius hadn’t been the tallest of the Marauders, and was perhaps Remus or Peter’s height, he probably would have been lifted off the ground. Even though his feet were on the floor, the amount of pressure that Remus was putting on him was overwhelming. He felt more anger than he had felt in a long time, and admittedly intimidated. However, Sirius’ pride was a lot stronger than his intimidation. He barely even registered what Remus had said about being dangerous. Sirius was too busy going for his wand. He managed to put his wand to Remus’ stomach, and it was almost like his wand knew that Sirius needed to be protected, for a flash of light lit the room without Sirius saying a thing and Remus was blasted backwards.

Sirius rubbed the place on his upper chest in which Remus’ arm had been pressed against him. He might have more physical strength, but at the same time Sirius knew he had more power with a wand. He had no idea what spell he had used on Remus, but supposed it was the same sort of magic that young witches and wizards used in situations when they didn’t know magic; although he supposed his spell was stronger. He wondered if he had done a non-verbal spell without realizing it. He had already proved to himself that he was capable of using Unforgivable Curses, so what was stopping him from being able to do strong magic without even realizing it?

Sirius walked over to where Remus was on the floor with his wand still out. He realized he was breathing heavily, although he didn’t know if it was from anger or the momentarily panic, or a mixture of both.

"Don’t you ever touch me again, werewolf,” Sirius sneered down at him. He didn’t pocket his wand, but merely pointed it at Remus as if entertaining the idea of hexing him out of his skin. He couldn’t even begin to explain how angry he was. He paused for a moment and then added, "What do I care if you go around telling all these girls what you are. If that’s the only way you can get attention from others, then have a blast with it. Sorry I decided to care.”

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[Remus John Lupin]

Something within Remus told him this was all going from bad to worse to disastrous, but Remus was in no mood to listen. Something inside him wanted to put Sirius in his place - Remus could take care of himself, he didn't need Sirius mothering over him, what the hell did Sirius know about him anyway?
“Okay, Remus, I’m the one with the girl’s voice. Because out of the two of us, I’m obviously the more feminine one.” It didn't affect him, he was too busy being angry to be hurt, and when he looked in Sirius' eyes and saw that same anger and craving to hit him where the pain would be most, Remus almost felt lightheaded with the overwhelming anger that washed over him.

He was so mad at Sirius, at this point, he wouldn't even have cared if Sirius had 'outed' him. Oh, of course he would probably rip Sirius apart (and then he'd be put down like an animal, without a trial, no doubt), but at this moment, he was not at all afraid. Remus Lupin depended heavily on his friends, but at this moment, they were forgotten and dismissed as unimportant. Remus could take care of himself. Who said he ever needed anyone, anyway? A voice inside of him reprimanded him for thinking just like Kira did, but Kira didn't matter now, this fight wasn't about Kira anymore.
Remus felt a slight grin creep unto his face as he watched Sirius blink, disorientated by the blow to his head. There. See? Don't underestimate me. Remus could basically smell the anger coming off Sirius in hot, uncontrollable waves. The other boy squirmed and the possibility Remus' currently rather animalistic mind had dismissed - the use of a wand - Sirius had apparently not forgotten.

It happened so fast that Remus could swear he had only blinked his eyes once and now he was on the floor, gasping and trying not to vomit. His lungs had had quite a blow and were complaining, his breath coming in shuddering gasps, but what was worse was that his stomach'd had an equally hard blow and was about to turn itself inside out - or at least that was what it felt like. The absolute worst thing, though, was looking up at Sirius towering over him, looking down on him, and Remus suddenly thought to himself 'just like he always had, he's always looked down on me'.
"Don’t you ever touch me again, werewolf.” Remus wanted to growl a 'gladly' but found his voice-box unwilling. "What do I care if you go around telling all these girls what you are. If that’s the only way you can get attention from others, then have a blast with it. Sorry I decided to care." Remus shakily got to his feet and glanced at the clock, for now able to ignore the comments due to sheer adrenaline and anger, but, deep inside, knowing it would soon be a lot less easy. He decided not to speak, not that it would help if he didn't yell back now, because the damage had been done, but Remus couldn't think of anything.
His heartbeat was loud in his ears and his mind seemed to work in slow motion. Before walking out of the dorm to go to the Shack even if the full moon wouldn't be until the next day, he turned to Sirius and hissed, though he didn't meet his gaze: "Tell your friends not to show up tomorrow night - you're not welcome, so none of you are."

[Sirius Black!]

Sirius could tell that he had hurt Remus, but actually found himself not caring. The back of his head still hurt rather badly from being smashed into the wall, and his chest still ached from the pressure Remus had put on it with his arm. Besides, both boys had suffered worse before in their lives. Sirius knew that tomorrow he'd be bruised across the chest, but he didn't care. No one would see it anyways. He knew there would be no frolicking around naked like last full moon. As well, since he had practically fallen out with Lena, he hadn't even bothered trying to pick up other girls, so it wasn't like they were about to see his bare chest any time soon.

Sirius felt like the room was spinning, but tried to not let it show. He no doubt had a concussion, and he felt the back of his head to feel something warm there - obviously blood. He wasn't too concerned about it, especially since his endorphines helped with the pain, but it didn't make it very easy to concentrate on Remus, and therefore didn't notice when Remus didn't meet Sirius' eyes. He did, however, hear what came out of Remus' mouth. He turned to retort, but the door slammed and Remus was out of the dormitory. Just as well, Sirius tripped over his own feet due to dizziness and fell to the ground. He felt like puking, but didn't let himself. He just tried to focus on catching up with Remus. Through the pain, he was still extremely angry and wasn't about to give up just like that. Sirius was practically obsessed with having the last word on things. However, standing up proved to be difficult, so he just laid on the ground with his head in his hands. After a while, he took out his wand and tried to heal whatever was causing his head to bleed in the back. If it was minor enough, he knew he'd fix it... sure enough, within a few moments the bleeding stopped. Sirius stood up and realized that it didn't help with the dizziness, however.

By the time Sirius was able to get down into the common room, Remus was already gone from there, too. People looked at him curiously as he still had blood on his hands, and his hair was matted from the blood drying. Besides, Sirius still held his wand in his hand tightly as if ready to battle. After a few questions which he did not answer, he stormed out of the common room. He honestly looked like hell. He didn't see Remus in the corridors, and he knew how easy it would be to go back upstairs and grab the Marauders Map, but he just couldn't be bothered. However, for some reason, he knew where Remus was heading. He ran straight to the exit doors and ran through them angrily. Everything seemed like a blur, but he was gradually becoming less dizzy.

By the time he rushed into Hogsmeade, he saw Remus in the distance. He was already past the little village and was almost at the Shrieking Shack. Worried that he might somehow lose him, Sirius took out his wand, aimed carefully and shouted a spell that tripped Remus. Sirius then ran ahead (surprisingly quick, but probably so due to his thinness) and caught up to Remus.

"What, so I pissed you off and now you're going to get mutinous on all of us?" Sirius demanded angrily. For some reason, the fact that Remus had uninvited both James and Peter as well to the full moon bothered Sirius more than almost anything else. "You really are stupid, aren't you? Yeah, let's punish others for something they haven't done. How hypocritical considering you told me to do the exact opposite for that vampire freak."

Sirius was grasping for reasons to yell at Remus. He was angry, and he was just aching for more yelling. He wanted Remus to fight back. Despite everything, Sirius was getting a sick pleasure out of it. He knew that they were both in the wrong, he knew that tomorrow he would potentially regret all of this, but he didn't care. He just wanted to keep going and going until he had nothing left.

"You know, you think you'd be a little more grateful for everything done for you," Sirius rambled. Someone nearby slammed their window shut in a dramatic manner, clearly trying to tell Sirius that he was being annoying. He ignored it, however, and continued. "We didn't have to put our necks on the line for you and become Animagi. We could have been completely happy not making up stories for you for why you were gone every month, we didn't have to accept you. But we did. What have you done for us since then? Throw a hissy fit when we showed you what we did for you? Start ignoring the lot of us because you got some stupid girlfriend? You really have your priorities straight there. I'm sorry that I don't just sit back and put up with all the rubbish like the others do. You were such a waste of time!"

The last bit came out without Sirius meaning it to. All of it was mostly lies, but Sirius didn't care. It all felt good to shout and he just couldn't bring himself to stop. He didn't even think he was hurting Remus anymore, mainly because he wasn't being hurt. Sirius put up a wall the moment emotional warfare began because it was what he was used to growing up. He assumed everyone did it, and that was where he was wrong. That was where Sirius ended up hurting people the most, and he didn't even know it. He merely stood there, looking bloody and bruised with his wand in his hand, but he still wouldn't back down. Against all of his previous worries that he might truly belong in Slytherin, he didn't see that him still standing there was partially what made him a Gryffindor. No, not necessarily the fighting, but the fact that he was concussed and disgusting feeling and yet he still wouldn't even sit or give up for the night. The fact that a werewolf had pinned him against the wall and yet he was still asking for more. Well, some might call it being a Gryffindor and being brave, he was sure a lot of other people just called him stupid.

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[Remus John Lupin]

Remus ran and ran - he was quite a fast runner, actually, even if his insides seemed to feel still messed up by Sirius wordless, nameless spell. He flew through the common room so fast he briefly wondered if anyone had even seen him, and before he knew it, he was outside, running in the decidedly more chilling air. The running ironically cleared his mind and he found himself trying to think of ways to fix this, while another part of him was angry at himself for even thinking of fixing it. It wasn't his fault. Why should he?
No, he resolved, he was going to spend the night in the Shack, give this a long, good think, and after that.. well.. he'd see. With Sirius involved, there was no use trying to plan ahead.

He could see the Shack in the distance already, but then something caused him to trip and literally bite the dust. He groaned and sat up, spitting out sand and tasting blood and saliva and earth. Sirius was towering over him once more before he'd even had a chance to get up. Should've known he wouldn't give up.
"What, so I pissed you off and now you're going to get mutinous on all of us?" It took a moment before Remus actually realised what he meant. "You really are stupid, aren't you? Yeah, let's punish others for something they haven't done. How hypocritical considering you told me to do the exact opposite for that vampire freak." Remus got to his feet. "You idiot," he hissed softly, but with less vehemence than before. "Don't you see the state I'm in? If I can hurt you that easily, what would stop me from hurting anyone? From killing?" His voice was dangerously low. "If you regard it as punishment, than that is your problem, but unlike you, I am not selfish, and I was actually thinking of the others' well-being." Remus was about to turn around and just walk away, but Sirius kept talking. Why wouldn't Sirius just shut his mouth?

"You know, you think you'd be a little more grateful for everything done for you. We didn't have to put our necks on the line for you and become Animagi. We could have been completely happy not making up stories for you for why you were gone every month, we didn't have to accept you. But we did. What have you done for us since then? Throw a hissy fit when we showed you what we did for you? Start ignoring the lot of us because you got some stupid girlfriend? You really have your priorities straight there. I'm sorry that I don't just sit back and put up with all the rubbish like the others do. You were such a waste of time!"
Remus anger was wearing thin. He tried to keep hold of it, but the running and the pain appeared to have knocked sense into him. Remus desperately wanted to stay angry, he wanted to stay strong, but as Sirius spoke every insult seemed to cut through him and make him more vulnerable. Remus drew a shaky breath, too tired to defend himself - it wasn't like Sirius was going to listen, anyway.
Arms crossed, shoulders hunched, Remus avoided Sirius' eyes once more, focusing on the rising almost-full moon instead. "Well," he muttered, trying to sound harsh, but sounding more tired than anything. "If I'm such a waste of time, then why the hell are you here instead of, I don't know, shagging some girl in a broom closet. I'm sure you have better things to do," he spat, half turning around and preparing to walk away. He couldn't care less if Sirius hexed him in the back now.

[Sirius Black!]

Once again, Sirius laughed humourlessly at what Remus had said. He really didn't get it, did he?

"Lupin, I hurt you just as easily as you hurt me," Sirius said, no longer shouting, but his voice still held the same malice. "You think you're this big, bad wolf that I should be scared of, but I'm not." He was admittedly surprised by Remus' strength back in the common room, but he was not afraid of the boy who stood in front of him. He didn't care if Remus hit him again. For some reason, he was kind of hoping he would to prove his point that Remus couldn't do any sort of damage that couldn't be repaired. He was sick of Remus thinking he was bad for everyone. Sirius rolled his eyes at the last part of what he had said regarding the others. "Yeah, because that's clearly what you had meant by calling them my friends. If what you had said had really been for their well-being, then you would have still referred to them as your friends. Guess you take them for granted as well. Can't wait until I tell them they're uninvited for your monster party. I suppose that vampire will be taking our place? I really don't suppose we fit there anyways. What we are is by choice."

Yes, Sirius was being intentionally nasty. He had been before, too, but not quite to this extent. He was getting frustrated at Remus' lack of response. As much as he thought he did, he didn't want Remus to back down. He noticed that Remus' posture changed to a more submissive one and it somehow made Sirius more annoyed. He listened to Remus' lame retort, but didn't repond. When Remus made to walk away, Sirius didn't have any of it. He strode forward, grabbed Remus by the shoulder and spun him around. They were very close at this point.

"Why don't you fight back?" Sirius demanded, angrily. Sparks flew from his wand that was still tightly gripped in his hand. He refused to look anywhere but right at Remus. "Why don't you prove that you're the Alpha that you are, huh? Come on, Moony, easy shot. If you're so big and dangerous I'm wide open. You use your best strength, I'll use mine. Trust me, it'll feel good. Unless of course you're just an Omega through and through."

Sirius was openly asking for it. He couldn't just let Remus walk away, not when Sirius was so angry. Nothing else mattered to Sirius when he was angry. He was right, and he was going to get his point across no matter what it took. By now, he had lost track of what his original point was, but now it was proving to Remus that Sirius wasn't stupid, and that he could easily defend himself. He didn't like feeling like Remus thought he was stronger in any way, but that was just a pride thing. Remus was supposed to be the brains of the group - Sirius was supposed to be the strong one. Just like James had his Quidditch. They all had their strengths in the group, and Sirius didn't particularly like that his were being challenged. Childish? Quite, but it was the last thing on his mind. The only thing he could focus on seemed to be his testosterone.

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[Remus John Lupin]

No, Remus didn't get it at all anymore. His thoughts were a blur in his head, his own thoughts mixing with Sirius' words and the other way around until it became sort of hard to distinguish between the two.
Remus couldn't grasp why Sirius wasn't scared of him, didn't feel threatened? Then again, it was typically Sirius to be reckless.. It felt like he failed on both fronts - he, apparently, was not a good friend, a proper human friend, but when it came to his monstrous side, he was also pathetic. Sirius wasn't afraid of him. In the past, that would've made him smile, so why did it suddenly hurt now? Remus found himself wondering why he should even try - apparently he couldn't pull off either of the two images he was or tried to be, why put any effort into it, then?
Remus said nothing. He didn't know what to say, part of him was angry, trying to smash his world to pieces, another part of him, panicky, rose in his throat, trying to keep the shards together before they scattered. Neither of the parts were going to get what they wanted, they were both going to lose because Remus Lupin, waste of time extraordinaire, had been unable to keep his mouth shut.
Maybe that's why Sirius kept talking - to make Remus realise he should've done the exact opposite.

"Yeah, because that's clearly what you had meant by calling them my friends. If what you had said had really been for their well-being, then you would have still referred to them as your friends. Guess you take them for granted as well. Can't wait until I tell them they're uninvited for your monster party. I suppose that vampire will be taking our place? I really don't suppose we fit there anyways. What we are is by choice." Remus felt his breathing become harder. Fuck, fuck - no, he was not going to cry in front of Sirius. He didn't care, he didn't care - why the hell should he care?
Leaving seemed the best option, but Sirius prevented him from doing that. Remus could, of course, have pushed him off and ran away - but hadn't he done enough damage. "Why don't you fight back? Why don't you prove that you're the Alpha that you are, huh? Come on, Moony, easy shot. If you're so big and dangerous I'm wide open. You use your best strength, I'll use mine. Trust me, it'll feel good. Unless of course you're just an Omega through and through." He grit his teeth and blinked against tears - he tried to convince himself they were angry tears, not sad ones. "Shut up, Sirius, shut up - shut up. Leave me alone!" he said, voice gradually becoming louder until he was basically yelling into Sirius' face. "What makes you think I want to be alpha?!" he yelled again, pushing Sirius off him and stepping back to prevent himself from simply jumping on top of Sirius and beating him until he'd need facial reconstruction.
"Leave me alone. Go- go waste your time on someone else." Although Remus' voice was still loud, his anger, sadly, had not returned. "Why don't you find another eccentricity to be friends with, because I'm sick of being your pet."

[Sirius Black!]

This was not going the way Sirius had hoped. He was hoping that Remus would fight back, not just stand there. He wanted Remus to let it out - why wasn't he? If Sirius was in Remus' position, he would have beat Sirius to a bloody pulp. Sirius felt torn between anger and pity. He wanted to keep yelling, he wanted Remus to yell back or something; but on the other hand he wanted this to all be a nightmare. He wanted to pretend that the bruise developing on his chest and his concussion wasn't caused by the one friend he had never expected to be hurt by. Sirius then suddenly saw something that made him even more confused to what he should be feeling: tears in Remus' eyes.

It angered Sirius that Remus would choose to cry at a time like this, but at the same time he felt like they weren't fighting - he felt like he had to do what he usually did and protect Remus. He didn't know why to do, and when Remus pushed him away, Sirius felt oddly numbed. What were they doing? Why did he say all of those hurtful and unnecessary things? He didn't think that Remus was a monster, but yet he had repeated that same phrase over and over. He was suddenly reminded strongly of everything he hated in his family and he felt disgusted by himself. Sirius had the horrible urge to retort, 'Well, I'd take Kira, but you already laid claim to her,' but he stopped himself. He didn't know what he was doing. Sirius was aware that his hands were shaking, but he didn't know whether it was from anger or from shock.

"You don't want to be Alpha," Sirius stated. His voice was on the verge of cracking, but Sirius managed to keep it calm. It was his turn for his eyes to not quite meet Remus'. "You want to be the lone wolf."

He then turned, but was unsure of where to go. If he went back to the Gryffindor common room, there was a big chance that Lena would be there... someone else who he cared about who he had fought with and hadn't spoken to in a while. He hadn't even been nearly as nasty to her as Sirius was currently being to Remus, and he and Lena still hadn't made up, so who was to say that Sirius and Remus were going to? It occured to Sirius that Remus wasn't necessarily the one taking advantage of his friends, it was Sirius. Unwilling to ever apologize, though, he said none of this to Remus.

Sirius turned around again so he was facing Remus. "Don't worry, trust me, I won't bother you again."

Instead of walking back to the castle, Sirius stepped around Remus and began to make his way to the place he always felt the most comfortable... in the mountains in the caves. Every time he had gone there with his friends, he found it oddly peaceful, and it was all that he wanted in that moment. He didn't want to be surrounded by others, he just wanted to be alone. He was still extremely angry, but now it was partially at himself. He felt as if he had nothing left to say. How many times could you stab someone in the same spot before it became useless?

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[Remus John Lupin]

Remus hoped Sirius would just say 'whatever', walk away, and then in a week's time they'd be fine - that was what usually happened. Then again, this wasn't their usual quarreling, this was a full fledged fight, complete with insults and blood and running and pulling and magic.
He expected Sirius to scowl at him when he pushed him away, but he didn't. Maybe Sirius was just going to say nothing and go. But Sirius did speak, and Remus couldn't help but wince as he did. "You don't want to be Alpha. You want to be the lone wolf." The way Sirius spoke sent shivers down his spine. This was not how Sirius was suppose to speak, Sirius was supposed to be cold and hurtful now, and it would all end in a climax so that they'd be able to pick up the pieces together later. Not like this, he shouldn't stop on the verge of breaking, it would leave no room for a new, fresh chance if there were still bits and pieces lying about.

The ending stanza of a poem by T.S. Eliot came to mind and it looped and looped around Remus thoughts.
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

"Don't worry, trust me, I won't bother you again." And then Sirius passed him by and he was leaving, and Remus couldn't believe it was happening, and he could even less believe the fact that Sirius Black giving up hurt more than all the insults together. 'Trust me' - the words echoed in Remus' head.
It was all his fault, it was completely utterly his fault, Sirius had only been worried and a good friend, and what had Remus done? He had betrayed his friend for a girl he didn't know, he had pushed him away and hadn't listened. Remus let out a sob, entwining his fingers into his hair and pulling it sharply and repeatedly. Why hadn't he listened? Now he had ruined everything.
Remus stumbled to the back of the Shrieking Shack and sat down behind it, eventually giving in to the immense sense of loss he was being overwhelmed by. He had ruined it, ruined it, everything. He should've listened, why hadn't he just taken time to calm down? Tons of questions revolved in his thoughts until it all became a grey blur of frightening thoughts. Remus looked around, and Sirius was gone.