Unknown Beaches [Lena!]

[Lena Marie Becket]

if the clouds are just too high
I F I T O S S A N D T U R N A N D F A L L B Y T H E W A Y S I D E , J U S T F O L L O W T H E S T A R S

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A

T the offer of a walk, she just nodded and waited for him to finish his drink, too worried and fidgety to drink any more of hers but she would wait for him. “A walk sounds good.” It only took a few more moments anyway before he was finishing and leading her outside, her arm tight around his from both the cold and anxiousness. The warning to not worry was unnecessary and she knew he knew it. It wouldn’t do her any good, she would worry until she knew what was going on anyway. Though at least he tried to reassure her.

She kept waiting for him to talk, taking note as each building kept passing by and the continued walking anyway. It wouldn’t be right to push him to hurry up so she just tried to wait as long as he needed her to. When they stopped and he spoke, all of her attention immediately zoned in on him before sighing softly when he kept walking instead of talking. And then when he finally did speak up again, and finished what she was staying, she was the one to stop, this time in shock. He knew about her parents? What? How had that happened? Her eyes were wide with surprise as he kept talking and she let him, not wanting to interrupt, even though it broke her heart a little bit that he seemed to think she was holding out on him. And even still, he was only telling her he knew so she would know he knew. Not because of any other reason.

Lena took a deep breath before slowly letting it out, trying to get her thoughts together before she spoke. “Remus…” Her hand reached for his and held it, wanting to explain it to herself. While he had been talking, logic had kicked in and figured out how he knew. The only other person in the school who knew, or should be the only one, was Sirius. And as the two were best friends, it was bound to happen. She was surprised James didn’t know. Or maybe he did. She would have to have a long talk to Sirius about this later on to find out whom all knew. Maybe she shouldn’t keep it a secret anymore. It had been so many years. Maybe everything would be fine now if people found out?

“First off, I’m truly sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s not that I didn’t want you to know, exactly. I didn’t really want anyone to know. I’ve kept it a secret since it happened except for when I told Sirius. And I guess he told you. I should have told you and the others before.” She took another deep breath before continuing. “See, I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want people to treat me differently. I was already an outcast that I thought I would become even more so when people found out my parents were dead. Or they would only talk to me out of sympathy and pity and I just couldn’t stand for it.” Her hand squeezed his softly. “They died when I was 13, right before our third year. It was an accident but it took them both in one fell swoop.” She wasn’t up for elaborating so just left it there and looked up at him. “I am sorry I didn’t tell you about this beforehand. I knew you would start treating me different if you or the others knew and I wanted to avoid that as long as possible. But I guess it makes a bigger mess, you not knowing. Can you forgive me for being so selfish?”

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WORDS && 611
TAGS && Remus
OUTFIT && click here
CREDIT && lyrics from "90% Gravity" by thebestbandintheuniverse Bridges I Burn, template by Madame Grimm of Caution.
NOTES && so much talkage

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[Remus John Lupin]

Remus realised that, as he'd feared, his 'reassurace' not to worry didn't really have the desired effect. Well, at least Lena was a reasonable and ncie girl and he felt pretty sure they'd manage to talk and work it out, really. Walking and walking and trying to think of how to start pretty much sucked, in Rem's opinion. This was no fun, this was very much nerve-wrecking (and he was very glad and grateful Lena did not push him) - but the moment he started talking, a pressure-release valve of some sorts had been unscrewed and he felt instantly better, even if Lena hadn't even responded to his confession yet.

She looked shocked. Well, of course she did. What else had Remus expected? Rem wasn't sure what he'd expected. A slap in the face? Anger? Sadness? As she didn't speak, for a moment his heart turned to ice - what if Sirius had lied to him, was this his idea of a 'harmless prank' again? Oh, Gods, Merlin, Circe, and Mordred - what if nothing was wrong? What if Lena was insulted? An obstruction lodged itself under his adam's apple and he tried to swallow it down.
Though then, Lena sighed and reached for his hand, saying his name - oh good, at least Sirius hadn't been toying with him then. Oh shite, but that meant Lena really was an orphan. It was a strange mix of relief and nausea. Luckily, he didn't have to talk, only listen, and what he heard made most of the nausea subside, only relief flowing through his veins now, bubbly like coke fizzing out of a shaken bottle after unscrewing the lid.

The biggest relief, to be honest, was that it wasn't so that she didn't want him to know. Rem nodded when she said she didn't want them to treat her differently because of it - he could well imagine that and made a mental note to try and act around Lena as he always had, as though he didn't know, even if he knew that was, in a way, impossible now. He opened his mouth to speak, then shut it again. Remus didn't want to interrupt her.
He laughed dryly despite himself as she finished speaking. "Selfish?" he echoed, shaking his head. "Don't be silly, it's not at all selfish." He smiled a little, lopsided and boyishly clumsily. "I just- it must've been such a shock to you, I feel bad for not having had the opportunity to be there for you." True, they hadn't been as close at thirteen as they were now, but Remus dismissed that fact - he would definitely have been there for her if she'd needed it. He wondered if she had needed it. Part of him liked to think she hadn't, because she'd come out fine, hadn't she? It was undeniable, however, that no one knew or could know - it was in the past and there was no telling how things would've gone.
He exhaled slowly. "You'll have to forgive me, too, though," he admitted. "Because there's no way I can treat you the way I did before." He smiled a little, though, the relief so fizzly, bubbly present in his chest that it pushed away all restraints. "Not meaning, of course, that I'm planning to be ridiculously and smotheringly sympathising, but rather that I'll have to make sure you don't get bored during the holidays." Now that he knew, he didn't have to make sure Lena was alright ever second of every minute - of course not, she had proven she was pretty fine by taking care of herself these past few years. Remus knew how annoying it could be to have people babying you and besides trusted Lena enough to come to him when she needed it, really. That didn't mean he could spice up her (he feared maybe boring or lonesome) holidays.