I want to walk in the open winds [open!]

[Dimitri Mikhail Zolnerowich]

Here comes the rain againRaining in my head like a tragedy
Tearing me apart like a new emotion
I want to breathe in the open wind
I want to kiss like lovers do
I want to dive into your ocean
Is it raining with you?

The snowing had lessened and eventually disappeared, so Dimitri had decided it would be okay to go outside now. Why in blazes he was going outside to start with in these temperatures? Well, Dimitri had been planning on catching some ice pixies.
Some would argue ice pixies were more of a subject to treat in Care of Magical Creatures, that they were more like pests than an actual threat, but Dimitri would disagree. After all, there was only so much you could do to prevent them from nesting in your house and once you had to remove such a nest (especially the larger ones), you really did need to defend yourself, because a horde of ice pixies defending what they saw as their habitat.. not so fun! If there were enough of them, they were even potentially lethal, especially if you were on your own. Besides, leaving them be was not an option either, as they did make a nest out of ice and another sort of mineral-ish fiber (there was still research going on about what it was exactly made of - and whether the stuff was worth 'farming' because it was useful) and the cold of their nests tended to freeze and break pipes and the like.
So yeah, here he was, by the lake, because ice pixies tended to like humid environments (like marshes, lakes - or damp, unused cellars for instance!) and although they were able to cool down their nests, the critters did prefer cold places. Dimitri had wanted to go out the very day it had started snowing, but just to be sure, he'd waited a week, for the weather to get really cold, dipping under zero steadily - and here he was.

Pity, though, that he had thought he could pop out and back in in between snowstorms (not that a little snow would get in his way, but no snow made things decidedly easier), but just as he was halfway, it had started to rain. Rain, of all things. His coat was warm, as were his boots, or warm enough anyway - but not quite water proof.
Of course Dim was no fool and he knew a spell to water proof his things, but by the time he was finished doing that, he could already feel a faint trickle of icy rain running down the back of his spine.
Damn.
Oh well, it was going to have to do, because he was not turning back now. The rain had started rather intensely, but died down to a faint drizzle in minutes, and he was in no mood to turn back.

When he arrived at the lake, it was almost peaceful. The rain caused a slight fog to rise up from the half-frozen water (here and there drifted thin layers of ice, like gelatine leaves, on the lake's surface). He wondered how much longer it would take for the lake to freeze up completely. It had last year and the students had skated on it during the Christmas holidays. He smiled a little. Dim loved Christmas.
It wasn't Christmas yet, though, and he did owe his students a class about ice pixies, still. So he traipsed around the edges of the lake, watching the reed beds and casting a few temperature spells to try and find the coldest spot. It probably wouldn't help him much, as everything was cold and there wasn't that much difference in temperature, but it was worth a try, especially as it had been raining a moment ago. He shivered for a moment as the drop of icy water reached the bottom of his spine and dissolved into his underwear. Wonderful.

[reg]

Regulus has no care about the cold today. As a matter of fact he'd been sitting in the forbidden forest when it started to snow in the first place. He found shelter where he could and waited out the storm. It was cold he would give it that. He didn't really like winter much but he rather liked seeing the world covered in white and finding things that grew out of such harsh climates. It reminded him on the off days of his relationship and feelings for his brother. It was funny really. He had no reservation about going up to the Dark Lord and asking to be a death eater. He still wasn't totally sure what that would entail but he would find out soon enough. He was still in school after all. However, the thing that plagued the fifteen year old's mind was his relationship with his family. Life was complicated and it seemed even more so for those in pureblood families. He could only assume that eveyone had their own problems. He's been keeping to himself more lately and not one of his friends seemed to care all that much. The youngest of the Blacks liked being alone to do his own thing from time to time. To drop certain things he pretended and to actually be himself at times.

He walked out of the forbidden forest figuring it would nto be a good idea to get sick. After all if that got home to his parents he'd be doomed. He was the good son the one that was supposed to do now bad. The soul heir to the Black estate as Sirius had run away and been burned off the tapestry. He was rather disappointed the day he saw his mother burn a hole in the tapestry in their home. Then again the tapestry inside the most Ancient and Noble house of Black had plenty of holes burned into it. He never really understood why the tradition was in place in the first place. He rather thought the tapestry would look better if holes weren't burned into them. Still to his parents their eldest son had died. As a matter of fact they never had one. Regulus was their only child and he would not disappoint him. He was constantly rememinded of that. Pureblood families were probably just as messed up as the muggle ones were. Probably even more so as pureblood families believed in harming and teaching lessons the hard way to their children.

He shuddered a little bit and hid it well. No one knew the truth of what was going on with the Black family in the first place. He was walked up towards the school taking the long way towards the lake to see if the squid would try to break the ice that had already frozen half the lake. He was surprised to find a professor out by the lake. As he got closer he realized who it was. Regulus had a lot of respect for their defense against the darks arts teacher. He rather looked up to that teacher though he'd never admit such things. He'd also never admit that he wouldn't try to charm the professor either. He walked up to him and stood next to him. "Professor Z what are you looking for?" He never called his professor by his full name. He wasn't gifted with remembering exactly how to pronounce some things regardless of the fact that he did like looking at other languages.

[Dimitri Mikhail Zolnerowich]

If there was anyone who knew a thing or two about pureblood families and their expectations, it was Dim. He had been pushed to be a perfect heir all of his young life and, in a way, he was sort of the Sirius of the Zolnerowich household, although his parents hadn't had a back-up son like Regulus.
There were moments when Dimitri would smile to himself and wonder if they were really very stressed out about not having an heir now. Then again, he tended to avoid thinking about it, plus it seemed his family hadn't particularly tried to find him. After all, they were notorious for finding their victims wherever they were, being apt at dark magic and having connections with the maffia. Then again, Dimitri had lived in a muggle household for quite some time, they might simply have lost track of him?
No - they didn't care. It couldn't have escaped their notice that he had aligned with Dumbledore. It was strange, but the realisation that his family had stopped caring stung more than Dim had expected it to, so he just tried not to think about it. He had a life and family here now, and children - pupils - to look after.

At this exact moment, his family was not at all on his mind. What was, instead, was trying not to lose his balance and tumble into the freezing water of the lake head-first!"Professor Z what are you looking for?" There was only one student who called him that, so Dimitri didn't even have to look over his shoulder to know it was Regulus Black addressing him. He sort of liked the abbreviation and did not at all object to it, especially because he knew his name was foreign and difficult to pronounce.
He nodded at the fifth year. "Good afternoon, Regulus." He stepped away from the edge of the lake and turned to the student. Dimitri wasn't sure what other teachers did, but he liked addressing pupils by their first name. It was more personal, and less confusing, as quite a few pupils shared a last name. "I was planning to catch some ice pixies for tomorrow's class - are you familiar with them?" he asked, nodding at what appeared to be a small clump of ice and leaves and dirt - a beginning colony, there couldn't be more than twenty pixies in there, which was quite an opportune amount.
He was planning to cast a stasis spell over them, one usually used in hospitals to keep injured people in a comatose, stable state, and then an isolation spell to make sure the hive-like nest remained cold. He could easily carry it, as it wasn't much bigger than a rugby ball - although it would be cold, he had to admit.
"But what are you doing out here? There was quite a blizzard not too long ago, I hope you didn't get caught up in that." The younger Black looked a little cold, but not quite like a walking snowman, Dim thought. Then again, Regulus was probably smart enough to find himself some shelter if he was caught off guard like that.

[reg]

Regulus had his head cocked to the side a bit waiting for the Professor to answer him. He was hoping he would not be the cause of his professor loosing his balance. The thought of falling into the lake right now was not a pleasant one. He was also glad that Professor Z didn't seem to mind that he called him that in the first place. It was partically a term of enderment for the professor as well. In Regulus's mind it let his professor know how much he did respect him in a sense or how he felt like he could approach them and not be stand offish about it. He smiled and righted his head when his Professor finally addressed him. "Good afternoon to you as well." A smile brightened across his face as he watched him move from the edge of the lake.

He liked that fact that Professor Z refered to them by first names. It made him feel like he didn't have to care about what his last name was in his class or when he was around him. It felt nice to be called something other than you family name. Family name meant you had to act a certain way do certain things to make sure you fit you name regardless of what house you were in. But being called by your first name meant you could show a different side of yourself and that was something Reg liked. One of the many reasons why he respected him so much in the first place. He listened closely to want his Professor was telling him about what he was looking for.The smile he had turned into a smirk. "Only slightly familiar. Father had to get some off the house once when I was very little but they never came back. I also know they like cold places and turning the places they live very cold." He looked over at the small clump of ice and dirt. "Aren't they supposed to not be very easy to catch?"

He was wondering exactly how he was going to capture the pixies without letting the pixies know had Reg facinated. His smirk and smile fadded when his Professor mentioned the blizzard. "I was out here. Hiding in the forest." He admitted. He knew he could get into trouble for telling his Professor that he was in the forest but he didn't rightly care at the moment. It was almost common knowledge however that the young Black snuck off to the forest half the time or at least somewhere close by to it to be by himself. No one ever exactly stayed away from places they were not supposed to be.

[/center]

[Dimitri Mikhail Zolnerowich]

Regulus needn't worry about Dimitri slipping and falling, really. If his teacher was used to anything, it was snow. Not only had he gone to school in Siberia of all places, but his home region, Taiga (a subarctic forest starting just south of the tundra), was quite a cold place, too. Granted, most people thought of snow when they thought of Russia (and they couldn't be more wrong, because Russia is such a massive country with so many different climates!), but Taiga did fit that image. Even if the maximum in summer is 40 degrees celsius (which, by the way, has extremely long days of twenty hours!), winter displays a whopping average of -54 degrees - and that's a 'normal' winter (usually combined with lots and lots of snow). So yes, he was used to this. Not that he could stand extreme cold anymore, as he'd been living outside of Russia for years now, of course, but he was used to it, he could live with this.

"Good afternoon to you as well." Dimitri smiled back, standing at ease with his hands in his pockets. Regulus was a good student, attentive and intelligent, motivated and not one to back down from a challenge. Dim liked it when his students were like that and deep down he always secretly hoped that he had, at least in part, inspired them or something. He hoped he was a good teacher.
"Only slightly familiar. Father had to get some off the house once when I was very little but they never came back. I also know they like cold places and turning the places they live very cold." Dimitri smiled and nodded - Regulus was right on the mark, as always, really. "Aren't they supposed to not be very easy to catch?" He couldn't help but laugh softly. Not mocking, merely amused. "Oh, they are," he admitted, "but it's early in the season, and this is only a small colony." Carefully, he bend forward and cut the reed in which the hive was nestled - no use disturbing the pixies in broad daylight and causing unnecessary trouble! Casting a quick stasis spell, the faint buzz that had been in the hyve died down and he picked it up. The cold bit into his hands and he pulled a bit of a face, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. "Look," he said, showing it to Regulus and indicating several parts on the side of the nest. "They've barely begun building it, you can see the individual outlines of the combs of the inner breeding chambers, still, they haven't constucted the outer cells yet."

He raised an eyebrow slightly when Regulus admitted he had been hiding from the blizzard in the forest. Dim knew he ought to reprimand the young student and he knew Regulus went there more often than he should, but he was in no mood to. No. He was just going to assume Regulus had sought shelter from the storm in the forest and that he hadn't been going there on purpose. Still, he as teacher, he had to say something on the matter.
"I wouldn't advise you to go there for shelter," he said, turning the hyve in his hands carefully. "And I'd especially avoid it in this weather. There's more danger in that forest than just its inhabitants." True. It was but a matter of getting lost. Especially in this weather, a student hardly stood a chance, whether they had a wand with them, or not. It would still be unknown terrain for them, hidden roots under the snow making accidents likely, as well as the fact that Dim suspected there to be rogue patches of magic, fluctuations. He had never had the chance to check if he was right, but a forest that old was bound to have quirks and tricks ordinary humans would not be familiar with. And then, of course, there might be certain magical creatures in there that fed on or were attracted by magic. No, relying on magic in the forbidden forest would definitely not be Dim's best bet.

[reg]

Reg has almost forgotten that Professor Z had lived in Russia for most of his life. Of course he wouldn't slip and fall on the ice. But if caught off guard Regulus was sure it could still happen. He was glad to see that his Professor didn't fall or anything like that. His smile widened a little more as his teacher smiled back at him. He was an excellent teacher though even Regulus found it hard to tell his Professor how good he really was. He at least inspired Regulus to be the person that he was becoming probably minus the whole fall in line with what your parents want and be a Death Eaters. Still it was Professor Z that made him feel like he didn't have to do all that and that he could be his own person. He had no idea what he was getting himself into and he knew but he was sure he'd learn and part of him was ready for that challenge becasue he wouldn't back down from it. He hadn't before and there was nothing that was going to stop him now. In the end he's get what he wanted out of life even if it cost him his life which he hoped it wouldn't. He just wanted to do things so that he could one day live the way he wanted too.

Regulus watched as Dimitri nodded at what he said. He cocked his head to the side as Dimitri laughed softly. He was sure that he wasn't mocking him. It sounded more amused the anything but he wasn't sure what he had said to make his Professor laugh. He watched straightening his head as Dimitri cut the reed that the hive was nestled in. He looked just as his Professor instructed him to do so. He was very interested in the parts of the nests that Dimitri was showing him and anything that he had to say about the ball that he had in his hand. "They construct in phases then?" He was throughly interested in these creatures and why they might be having a lecture on them in the day or so to come. He'd always wondered how his father had gotten rid of them and made it so that they'd never come back.

Regulus half expected to be scolded for hiding out in the forest from the blizzard. He spent more time in the forest then most thought proper of him to do so. It was just that he had things to do in the forest at times and at others he just wanted to be away from everyone and the quickest place to go with some adventure was the forest. True it was full of creatures that could easily kill him. However when he ran into such creatures they warned before they did anything and he was usually out of site and gone by the time they tried anything. Still he braced himself for a reprimand but it didn't exactly come. Professor Z just advised him not to go there for shelter. He nodded his head to what his professor said. "As you wish." He couldn't really not go into the forest but he could in a sense not go in there for shelter from a blizzard anymore. he wasn't too keen on being stuck outside in a blizzard again. he didn't really like snow in the first place.

[Dimitri Mikhail Zolnerowich]

Dim didn't expect his students to remember irrelevant details of his life - not even 'big' details such as his Russian heritage. In fact, things like that were better left forgotten, he thought, and it was easy to forget, because the years he'd lived in France (speaking French) and (especially) the years living in the UK (speaking English) had almost made his accent disappear. Well.. okay, not quite almost. Dimitri did, in fact, still use Russian spells. Not bad spells he'd learned in his years at school, mostly just basic household spells. He knew the British equivalents, but Russian just rolled off his tongue and palate easier and cost him less trouble. Besides, it is a silly detail, but Dimitri does still dream in Russian. So yeah, there was still a (faint) accent at times (especially in the mornings or when he got tired), but he tried not to. He could speak English just fine, nor was he planning on going back to Russia anytime soon. But indeed, being Russian didn't make him immune to the slipperiness of ice - he was just used to it.
Being thought of as an excellent teacher was the biggest compliment Dimitri felt he could be paid. He didn't expect his students to think he was - after all, most were only taking the subject to pass or because of he dark times they were in. Dim was already happy when they picked the subject because they liked it - that they might like him any more than the usual tolerance students tend to have for teachers never arose in his mind.

Had Regulus told him the way he thought about him, and how he felt about the way the rest of his life might look, Dimitri would surely have sat down for a talk with the boy. After all - had Dimitri not escaped a similar future? If Dim could, anyone could, he thought. Regulus' older brother seemed to have managed to slip from the path laid out for him and in Dim's mind, there'd be no doubt that Sirius would support his brother if he chose to follow his sibling rather than his parents. Regulus wouldn't have to do it alone.
But he didn't bring it up. It was the teenager's own choice and Dimitri didn't want to meddle in affairs like this. After all, he might think he knew what he was talking about, but maybe he wasn't, and maybe Regulus didn't want to talk about such things, maybe he had already made up his mind.
No, Dimitri'd rather remain within his own professional field, where he was comfortable.

To Regulus' question, he nodded. "They first construct the inner chamers for breeding, so the queen can start producing offspring while they finish the nest. That's why plagues like these seem to come out of nowhere, because they start breeding and hatching while building." Dimitri would've directed his student to Kettleburn with further in depth questions, because although Dimitri knew a bit about these creatures, he mainly knew how to get rid of them. However, he did not like Kettleburn and he was quite sure the lazy professor who taught Care of Magical Creatures would not want to answer a student's question because they were interested. The man seemed to hate teaching and students, after all (unless said students were female, young, and busty). "Which is why.." He muttered a spell under his breath, causing the hive to glow faintly for a second and then go back to the state it had been. "..I'll need to put them in stasis, or I'll have a mad house on my hands by the time class starts."

Dimitri knew he should've been more strict about Regulus going to the forest more than he ought to (which was, well, every time - because no student was allowed in there). Thing was, he wasn't good at being strict, especially not with students he liked - his one major flaw as a teacher. As Regulus nodded at his advice (which should've been a reprimand, really), he smiled faintly. "Not that I haven't been young and careless," he added, "and I understand the appeal of things forbidden. It's just a matter of asking yourself if the risk is worth it." In truth, he wondered why Regulus seemed so attracted to the forest. Was it just a teenager phase of defying rules or was there something deeper he needed to worry about.

[reg]

Regulus wished life was easy. He wished that he still had a family to go home too. It wasn't that he didn't like his parents it was just that he had been the one that they had staked their claim in because his brother had failed them in some way. If he brought up his own brother's name he was severely reprimanded for it so he failed to mention Sirius anymore. He couldn't simply cut out his brother's memory like his parents had. He didn't want to cut Sirius out of his life but his older brother was already not talking to him and for once in his life it might be nice to have an older sibling that gave a care about what he was doing. Actually realized that there was something more to the young man that was following orders of his parents. He wished at times that his brother could see the struggle that was going on inside of him. He was a support of the death eaters. One of the youngest death eaters around that had already proved his loyalty but he was still confused and simply in way over his head already but he had yet to see truly what the Dark Lord was capable of because he was a still a school aged child.

Regulus was sure his mind was being made up for him. It wasn't that he didn't want to do something different it was just that he wasn't as head strong as his brother. Or maybe he wasn't as strong he didn't know. All he knew was he couldn't stand to have his parents angry at him. He always thought that he should talk to Dim about things but he wasn't sure what they other would tell him. He was scared that he might tell him something different than what he was doing. He was also sure that his Professor would tell him to trail after his siblings footsteps and that was something that at the moment he could not do if he wanted to roof over his head. There were just too many things that could go wrong on either end of this crazy thing called life. He hated it. He plopped down on the snow for a moment to stop himself from thinking about everything that he didn't want to think about. he had made up his mind. He was a death eater and there was no going back. He was evil like his parents wanted him to be and yet he wasn't. He mentally scolded himself and then stood back up as his Professor nodded at his question and started to elaborate on it.

"Well that makes sense. So they can be a handful like most other pixies. Can they be as annoying as cornish pixies." He's remember reading about those pixies and working with them a few years back. He didn't much like pixies to begin with and wondered if all manners of pixies were as annoying as the next. Regulus was rather glad that Dim has not been as strict as he could have been. He nodded to his Professors words. "I will keep that in mind the next time I think about enterting the forest Professor Z." He gave him a smile. he wouldn't be in the forest any time soon. he'd be off in another hiding place. There was more than a few reasons why Regulus liked the forbidden forest so much. Still he was worried about worrying his Professor should he come out and say anything about. however there was something else weighing on his mind.

"Professor do you think that my brother will ever view me as a brother again?" He didn't like not having someone to really look up too in that manner. Sure he had Reese who he was rather close with and he was older and someone he could turn too but he wasnt flesh and blood. Sirius was and he missed having his brother to run too.

[/center]

[Dimitri Mikhail Zolnerowich]

Life, really, is never easy. We always wish it was easier and somehow we always seem to think others have better lives than we do. Inevitable truth (and if you don't believe me, read Stephen Fry's amaaazing autobiography - really). As lost as Regulus might feel and as much as Dim might sympathise - what was there to do? There were two bad choices, in a way. Although there was, perhaps, comfort in the idea that Sirius might support his brother if he chose to turn his back on their parents; there was also sadness in knowing that Sirius offered Regulus no help or comfort whatsoever as long as Reg continued to do as he did now. In that respect, Dim's teenage years had been easier - he had only had to decluch his own life from his parents and that had been that. Regulus had to choose between family, which was worse, in a way.
Dimitri couldn't deny that he knew about the boys' situation at home and he felt bad for being unable to help. In fact, he wasn't quite sure how to help, especially as he was a teacher. He was supposed to be professional about all this (and yet he found that he was having trouble doing so).

Dim could tell there was something on Regulus' mind. Of course there was - no student in their right minds would go wandering alone through blizzards and forbidden forests.. His expression softened a little as he looked at his student in silence - not sure whether to ask or leave the matter be. He didn't want to stick his nose into other people's business..
But then Regulus spoke and came back to the subject of pixies. Perhaps just as well, at least Dim knew about pixies. "They probably are - only colder and destructive in different ways." He smiled a little, but his expression wasn't as warm as it would've been, a little worried about what could be going on in his student's head. "There are currently studies going on about picies interacting with larger beings on purpose - something about self-worth by thwarting the physically stronger or something. I'm not sure what to think of it." After all, things could be over-analysed.

And then there came another question, one that Dimitri had not quite expected, yet it didn't take him by surprise, not really. For a moment he didn't know what to say. "Well.." Dimitri popped the hive into his pocket, it was starting to freeze his hand. "Are you sure he doesn't think of you as a brother?" he asked. "Absolutely sure? I mean.. I don't know either of you very-" intimately "well, but has it occured to you that maybe he is so obstinately angry about it because he actually cares?" Dimitri feared his assumption was wrong, though. Still, he hoped it made Regulus feel a little better..

[reg]

Regulus nodded his head as Dimitri spoke of the slight difference in cornish pixies and ice pixies. Really the only difference was the fact that they were destructive in different ways. Regulus only slightly figured that was the case. He cocked his head to the side as he Professor went on to say something about pixies actually interacting with them on purpose. After all was said and done he shrugged and righted his head. He was only half paying attention to thing right now. His mind was off in another place and the emotional rollarcoaster of a hormonal fifteen year old was flaring up yet again. It was what had brought him out into the forest to begin with. His brother had completely left him by running away. His parents had all but erased him out of their lives and he was no long part of the tapestry the hung in the house. Like a few other Blacks before him he had been burned off. He was nothing more than a hole in some very old tapestry that really meant nothing to Regulus at the moment. Sure it held the names of his ancestors but he really didn't care that much.

Regulus was wondering how much his favorite professor knew of his home life. He was sure that he couldn't pull the wool over some teachers eyes and he was certain that the Headmaster probably knew more than Professor Z did. Still if his Professor knew anything maybe just maybe he could help him feel better or at least understand why he was going through all these crazy emotions. Was it just because he was a teenager and every teenager thought that the grass was greener on the other side and that everyone else had better lives then they did and that no one understood them. He was sure part of it was the usual what teenager were supposed to feel. But what teen was caught between their parents and their sibling. Between being disowned and living a life of crime in a sense or being relaxed. He knew others had their parents breathing down their necks but only a few knew what it was like to be the sons or daughters of those that followed the dark lord or even supported him though they did not bare his mark.

He did and he was one of the youngest too. He took a deep breath and then his attention went back to Dim. "I don't know. He hates the family. He hates the fact that I will do what our parents want. But...but i don't think he realizes what fell on me when he decided to go away from what they told him to do. From their teachings. He doesn't get that I simply can't just turn away. Not without...not without severe punishment that he couldn't comprehend. I'm the good one they'd never harm me!" He was sure that was what his brother thought. His brother had stopped talking to him stopped even paying attention to his owls. He simply didn't care and that hurt. it hurt more than Regulus knew how to express at the tender age of fifteen. He was doing drastic things and he was still considered the good son. What if he changed his mind? What would his parents do then? Would they burn him out of their lives and pretend they never had children at all?

[Dimitri Mikhail Zolnerowich]

This wasn't about pixies anymore. He could see Reg wasn't paying attention to what he was saying much. Dim wasn't sure whether to be uncomfortable with being so involved in his student's life all of a sudden, or to be flattered that Regulus had decided to confide in him of all people.
Glancing at the lake, Dimitri looked at the dark waters that moved beneath the ice. Was he the right person to be talking to Regulus about this? Dumbledore, no doubt, could be of more assistance to the boy, he knew more about their family, he had probably taught Regulus' parents, even! Then again, Dimitri knew what it was like to face a choice like this. This was a different choice - no wonder, as no choice is alike - but he could imagine how it would feel to Regulus. Besides, the least he could do was try and make Regulus feel a little more at ease, the boy was obviously distressed and Dimitri felt responsible for him.

"Hate is a strong emotion," Dimitri softly said. "And very easily used to push away other feelings that might be there. Your brother is also still young, at an age when everything seems black and white. I'm sure it's more a matter of greyscales." He felt extremely inadequate to talk about things like this. Despite the similarities, he was only a teacher, not a counsellor, and he felt he didn't know enough to say the right things. He blushed slightly and adjusted his scarf, hoping the youth would't see. Why was this so difficult for him? He wanted to help Regulus, he really did, but being so involved, so close, made his chest clench.
He exhaled slowly. "Maybe you're right, maybe he doesn't know how hard it is for you," Dim agreed, frowning at the frozen lake again, pensive. "Thing is.." He hesitated. ""With choices, you know- Again, he paused. "In the end, you have to make a choice for yourself. Not based on what your parents think, or how your brother acts towards you." He glanced at Regulus, making eye contact for a second. "It's your life and if leaving things behind is the only way to make the best of it.." Dimitri left the sentence unfinished, he was sure Regulus would catch the gist of it.

[reg]

Regulus wasn't sure why he was dragging Professor Z into his little world of woe is me. He just really needed someone to talk too even if they couldn't really give him much to think about in return. He just needed to voice what he was feeling. He knew his brother hated him and hated the family. Sirius hated him because he was a little puppet for their parents. Regulus couldn't help it he was afraid of not having a place to lay his head down at night. His brother apparently had his close knit group of friends to do such things with. They would take him in but who would take him in. He had no one so he stayed and did as his parents wanted. Regulus at the moment was capable of completely erasing everyone from his life. He was sure his brother wouldn't even care if he ran away from home and stopped doing as his parents asked him to do. He was turning out to be slightly rebellious this holiday season but even in that his parents had given him the blessing to stay at school because he had lied in a sense to them. He mentally shook his head and waited for Dimitri to say something to him.

Reg could tell that he was making his Professor nervous and he didn't mean too but he didn't know how to handle things anymore. He needed to stop thinking about all of this and just be who he was fashioning himself out to being. A Death Eater who really didn't know what he was getting himself into because he was too young to make such decisions unrashly and with much thought. It was something his parents were proud of him for so he had done it and he had proved loyal to the Dark Lord though he had not had to do anything that involved killing anyone. He'd just needed to get something for the Dark Lord and that was easy enough. Thinking too much however was the down fall of any man.

He cocked his head to the side. "A matter of greyscale?" He said it in a mix of a question and statement so it wasn't really a question at all. He was trying to put it into his head as he saw fit to do so. He knew things were not all black and white. He left his last statement unfinished but Regulus got what he was saying about it. In the end it would have to come to his own decision and he would have to do what he felt was right without the guidance of brother or parents. When the time came for him to truly be able to decide for himself then maybe just maybe he might make sense of all of this. "Thank you Professor Z. I've just been thinking far too much about this lately as my brother ran away and our parents basically erased him from their lives."

[Dimitri Mikhail Zolnerowich]

Dimitri didn't mind that Regulus was trusting him, he was just bugged by the fact he felt inadequate to help him. He felt like an idiot, like nothing he could ever say would be good enough. But he would try. After all, Regulus was one of his favourite students and he knew the boy had had a more than turbulent summer.
In fact, he was surprised it hadn't seemed to have any effect until now. Maybe the situation had escalated lately, or perhaps it was the holiday season that reminded the young Black of his home situation. Or, and this was what Dimitri assumed was the main reason, Regulus felt like he was on his own now, with his brother gone and his parents' expectations too much of a weight to be proper parents to him. This feeling must've festered within the young man for some time, coming out now. Maybe Reg had hoped that after a few months things would be better - and now they weren't he felt helpless.
Oh, Dimitri could understand. Problem was he just didn't know what to do about it. Albus was better at this sort of thing.

"A matter of greyscale," Dim repeated again, choosing to interpret the intonation as a question nonetheless. "Because nothing is absolute. I know it feels like picking sides, but in fact it's a matter of looking at yourself and determining your own colour - not thinking about what colour you'd like to be." Did that make sense or should he drop the metaphor? Dim didn't know, he hoped Regulus could follow his logic.
The student next to him explained why it all had been on his mind a lot lately and Dimitri smiled faintly. "That's okay, I can imagine it cannot be easy." He hesitated for a moment, looking out over the lake, towards the shadowy edge of the forest, and then decided to speak up anyway. After all, the boy had talked to him, apparently trusted him, and had opened up to him - Dim owed him as much. He put his hands in his pockets. "I left my family too, years ago." Although he didn't say it, his tone had something definite - that he hadn't seen them since and that he wasn't planning on going back.

[reg]

Regulus hated the holiday season. He's never actually liked it much since they had started school. It was more of the time where you did this or did that so that your parents didn't completely forget you at Christmas and more often than not he really didn't get anything for Christmas but a little bit of praise for being a good student and a better son than his brother. Honestly a little chocolate or something would be nice. His parents could afford that. As the years had passed with getting nothing from them from time to time he and Sirius would exchange things but even that had not happened in some years now. Regulus could seem solid as a rock until everything just piled up and broke him down. That's what this whole summer and winter holidays was doing to him now. It had piled up so much that he was bursting at the seems and needed someone to set him straight again or just get it out. Dimitri was helping far better then he was sure Albus could. Not that Regulus didn't like Dumbledore it was more the fact that he felt no connection with the older man. He felt a connect of sorts with Dimitri.

Regulus nodded his head as Dimitri elaborated on the greyscale question. It made sense to Regulus and he could follow Dim's logic without really trying. All of this was making him feel better and he could do as he willed himself to do now. He just needed to let out his feelings sometimes even when people thought he was emotionaless. That was just what he wanted them to think. It made things easier that way. No one could tell him that he was weak that way. He never thought his Professor would think of him that way. He was a teenager after all and this was supposed to be normal even if you'd been taught never to show your emotions. Regulus shook his head and Dim mentioned that it couldn't be easy. In truth it had been far to hard and having joined the DE he was kept from the stupidity of home life for most of the summer.

He cocked his head to the side as Dimitri mentioned that he had left his family too. He wasn't sure what to say about that. "Did you feel better and more like yourself afterwards?" It should be a question that Dim would expect out of him at the moment. After all this was news in a sense to the young man. He knew alot about his teacher but not everything.

[Dimitri Mikhail Zolnerowich]

Christmas holidays. For the Zolnerowich family that had always meant having their annual picture taken. They had done it for years and Dimitri didn't doubt it was still tradition - the taking of a new photograph to hang over the mantlepiece just before Christmas, there for all to see during the dinnerparty. Not proof of a happy family, but dedicated to looking like a proud and powerful unit, nothing cozy about it. Dimitri owned two smaller copies. One of the version when he had been about to turn sixteen and one when he'd barely been a year old. The latter was his favourite, his parents all rigid and authoritive, while baby Dimitri tried to get out of his mother's iron grip because his goveness was distracting him with toys to look into the camera. Good times, in a way. Times, either way.
He hadn't really gotten or given Christmas presents since he'd left Emily. Well, Dumbledore insisted on sending him candy floss each year (which was nice, because Dim loved cotton candy) and sometimes silly striped socks or something. Dim had tried to send something back each year, but Dumbledore assured him it wasn't strictly necessary. He still did so, though; he felt it was the least he could do.

Dim was glad at least his logic made sense to Regulus. He often counted on logic on all sorts of things. Logic made all things easy. Pro's and cons - decision. Of course, in this case, logic was not applicable. But at least Regulus wasn't crying, thank Merlin for that, Dimitri seriously wouldn't have known what to do if that happened!
The moment he said it, he wondered if it had been a good idea to confess that bit of personal information about him. Not even most of his colleagues knew this, only Albus, they only knew that he came from a dark family, but not that he'd run out on them at seventeen. "If I felt better? Oh, absolutely." Well, at first, anyway - after twenty hours in a cargo train, Dim had really been less happy, to be honest. "But whether it made me feel more like myself, I don't know." He shrugged and smiled faintly. "I like to think so, though. Identities are tricky things, partly self-constructed, most of it subconscious. I really wouldn't know." He glanced at Regulus again. "Does it matter how I felt, though? Does that influence your choice?" Dimitri thought it shouldn't. No matter how Dim had felt afterwards, this was a different situation, a different person, and Regulus would have to make the choice himself at some point, based on himself, not on what Dimitri had felt decades ago.