doesn't matter how hard I try ``REMUS

[Remus John Lupin]

Okay, well, she might not compare things outright, but Remus was sure that now every time he looked like he was having a headache - wouldn't Annelise think it was something else? In any case, there were quite some small difference between Remus and the average human being, indeed, details Remus knew all too well. As for the lack of asking questions so far: all in good time. After all, he had rather shocked Annelise into knowing and he wasn't in the mood to tell her all sorts of things she wasn't ready for. Remus assumed she'd ask, at some point. For example, what transformations were like - she was welcome to ask, and he would answer, but there was no way that Remus was going to tell her unless she asked.

"Well, I can't imagine you'd want to go out and tell the world." Remus nodded, quitely agreeing, smiling faintly. "How many people do know?" The question didn't surprise him much, and Annelise will be glad to hear that Lena was not one of the people who knew. "Well, my parents do, obviously," he said, "and the rest of my family, though we haven't really.. heard of them since." Remus shrugged a little, telling himself to stop being ridiculous about that. It had been years. He could hardly remember his grandparents, his uncles and aunts. "The teachers and the rest of the staff know, like I told you, and Dumbledore. Those are all the official people who know," he said. "And then there's James, Peter, and Sirius - and you." He had phrased this carefully. He wanted Annelise to understand she was part of a select group of people who knew and that most of the people who knew, knew it because of formality, because they staffed the school. Only a handful of people knew because Remus wanted them to - and Annelise was one of them.
For obvious reasons, he left Greyback out. Of course Greyback knew, but he wasn't important. He wasn't part of his life. Well. He was, but Remus didn't want him to be, so he tried to ignore that part.

Annelise needn't skip whether this was what she wanted to hear or not. Of course it was harsh, but it was also the truth, and Remus knew he couldn't deny it. No one wanted to hear this. Merlin, his parents hadn't wanted to hear this - he could only imagine..!
As he pondered this, briefly, Annelise never ceased to surprise him. "The smallest amount of research on werewolves would show that not all of them are bad. It's just because they don't want to be associated with the bad ones, though, so they don't say what they are. With all the prejudice, I don't think I would tell people either." Remus smiled faintly. "I know it doesn't take much research to find out we're not all bad, but especially with the current circumstances.." He paused. The War, of course. "People don't tend to take the trouble to do a small amount of research," he concluded eventually. "I suppose I should be sort of glad that you did, now.." If he had told her sooner, before she had started reading up on Greyback, would she have reacted in this way? Things might've gone very differently..

It was impossible to describe what Remus felt when Annelise relaxed against him and he let out a small sigh of relief, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head. He was quiet as she cried, he wanted to give her that time. When the whole accident had happened he knew his mother had cried for a day, and then, weeks after, she could suddenly start again. Aftershock, a sudden moment of realisation again. Of course, Annelise was not his mother, but still.. it was quite a big thing.
"Is this why you disappear for a few days every month?" She seemed to have calmed down a little and Remus was glad for that. He nodded in response. "I try to be back in class as soon as I can, but Madame Pomfrey tends to be rather strict, she doesn't like me leaving earlier than she thinks I can," he said, trying to keep his tone light. No use trying to worry Annelise more than needed. Not for now, anyway. "I feel silly for spending so much time with you and not noticing that something was... different." He smiled gently and laced his fingers with hers, holding one of her hands in the both of his. "Don't feel stupid. It's quite an intricate web of lies.. and with the staff all involved, no one tends to doubt it.." He shrugged. "No one tends to think Dumbledore would be so stupid as to let a werewolf in the school," Remus added in a bit of a hoarse whisper.

[Annelise Westerhof]

Annelise wasn't sure if she was going to end up judging him on any behaviour that he may show from now on. It was too early to tell. She was still in shock, and therefore could only think of this as Remus with some sort of problem, and not that he transformed into a beast. She couldn't even begin to put that mental image in her head, and knew she would never be able to do that unless she saw it - or saw someone else transform. She never wanted to witness it, in all honesty. If she was that close to someone who transformed ... well, she couldn't imagine being in a worse position. She knew sometimes werewolves could recognize a human, but most of the time their animal instincts took over.

Annelise had to admit that it felt good to know that she was one of few whom he trusted with this secret. She didn't want to show it though - really, she would have much preferred this not be the case at all. She knew her insecurities were stupid, but she couldn't help it anyways. Was she to let his friends know that she knew? No, that would be invasive. She didn't even know his friends that much whatsoever.

"How did you tell your friends? How did they react?" she asked, curiously. She found that once something peaked her interest, she couldn't help but to ask questions. She found all this terrible, yet fascinating at the same time. "Why did they choose to let you in? I mean, I know as much as anyone the prejudices when it comes to werewolves."

Annelise seemed eager, although this was the furthest away from what she wanted herself to look like. She didn't want Remus to be a werewolf, but after all the studying she had done, the ability to actually speak to one about their life was an opportunity she couldn't pass up. Besides, Remus had willingly shared the information with her... he must know that she was bound to ask questions, right? She wanted to know everything, even if that meant that there wouldn't be much talking on her behalf.

"Well, ignorance can be contagious. One person holds a prejudice, and they pass it on to their children, friends, family... it's rather sad that real stories aren't the ones that hold up," Annelise stated. "I mean, I guess real stories about werewolves leading close-to-normal lives aren't really the interesting stories."

Annelise smiled softly. It was very, very true. No one wanted to hear about the werewolf dentist or something of the like. They wanted to hear about the rogue werewolf... the bad werewolf who killed everyone. She had the temporary urge to ask Remus if he had killed anyone, but she instantly knew that he couldn't have. She knew that the guilt would probably kill him, most likely, if that were to ever happen.

Annelise liked it when he kissed the top of her head. She laughed again.

"I think if I were taking care of you after such an incident, I would be over-protective as well," she admitted when it came to the topic of Madam Pomfrey. She had the overwhelming appreciative feeling when it came to the Healer suddenly. She felt so grateful that she kept Remus safe and healthy, while at the same time keeping his secret. Who else could do it better, realistically?

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[Remus John Lupin]

As far as Remus could see for now, Annelise was taking the whole ordeal pretty well. Of course, there was no telling how things would go once all the information sunk in. In essence, it was true that this was 'Remus with some sort of problem'. The more problematic thing of that was, though, that this was not just any problem - it was one hell of a problem, that would also influence Annelise a great deal, probably - if she decided to stay with him, that was.. Something Remus didn't want to think about right now.

Judging by the relief on her face, Annelise seemed glad to find she was part of a select group of people who knew about Remus secret and he couldn't help but smile slightly. Indirectly, it showed how much she cared.
"How did you tell your friends? How did they react?" Remus smiled a little wider. Actually, he was glad she was asking all these questions, because he wanted her to know about things, but didn't want to shock her too much, and Annelise asking questions gave him an indication what kind of information she was comfortable with. "Why did they choose to let you in? I mean, I know as much as anyone the prejudices when it comes to werewolves." Remus smiled a little wider. "I didn't tell them," he said. "We share a dorm - they found out during my second year and I couldn't deny it when they confronted me about it." He laughed, a slightly nervous laugh, thinking back about how scared he'd been. "I was pretty surprised they didn't cast me out and made me leave - I sometimes still am," he confessed softly, and then, to distract the attention from that insecurity he's just laid bare, he added breathlessly: "You're the first person in my life I told about it myself - it's terrifying."

Eager or not, as said before, Remus didn't mind. The more they spoke about it, the better he was starting to feel about this. Maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe this would turn out pretty good.
"I guess real stories about werewolves leading close-to-normal lives aren't really the interesting stories." Remus nodded. Annelise was more than right about that, and he was glad to find she seemed to understand so well. Remus pecked her cheek. "Yeah. That, plus the fact there aren't that many werewolves who have normal lives. It's not something you can escape by having a muggle job." After all, the transformations would still be every month, the Ministry check ups would still occur every year.

Remus smiled a little wider when Annelise laughed. There was still a nervous tingle in the bottom of his guts, somewhere between his belly button and the end of his spine, and for a moment he wondered.. if he'd had a tail, would it be between his legs now? Very probably.
"I think if I were taking care of you after such an incident, I would be over-protective as well." Incident. Funny word, Remus thought - as if it occurred randomly and couldn't be planned like he did. "It's not usually very bad. You get used to it." That was a slight lie. Of course you never really got used to it. It hurt like a bitch and beyond! But Remus wasn't going to worry Annelise, he didn't want her to worry. He feared it would be inevitable, but if he could postpone it, he would.

[Annelise Westerhof]

Annelise couldn't help but feel like, despite how mature she may be seen as for a sixteen year old, that she didn't completely understand how serious the situation was. What if one day he were to attack her by accident? What if there were some animal-like tendencies that she just couldn't ignore? As much as she didn't want to think of them as this serious, but if they were to want to have children one day... would they be able to have children? Would she be okay if they weren't able to? She knew it was silly to think of, but they did only have a year left of Hogwarts. Anything past that was open-range for things like marriage or children. Hell, her own parents got married only months outside of leaving school. But... she didn't want to think like that.

"Well, it must have been scary for them telling you that they knew," Annelise stated. She was rather happy that she hadn't found out without him telling her. She couldn't imagine what she would have done. As someone who was rather anti-confrontational, she couldn't imagine telling Remus that she knew, but at the same time would have a hard time keeping it to herself. She smiled at Remus. "Well... I'm happy you told me."

Annelise meant it, too. She was glad that he trusted her enough to tell her. It was one of those things that, for her, potentially meant that he trusted her fully. He didn't even tell his friends - they had found out for themselves. She couldn't help but feel very loved over this, as she was the first person he had ever willingly chose to tell. What did this mean, though? That he was planning on staying with her for a long time? She certainly hoped so, for that was what she wanted.

Annelise knew he was lying about it not being very bad. She remembered her friend from her childhood telling her about how horrible the transformations were. She looked away from Remus' eyes, hoping she wouldn't give herself away. She had temporarily forgotten about how bad it could be, and didn't want to imagine Remus going through the same thing. She wanted to pretend that when it happened, he didn't even realize what was going on. That would all be lies, though.

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[Remus John Lupin]

Oh, of course there were things they couldn't forsee. Remus had no idea if he wanted children.. or get married - after all, would he want to, if he couldn't even support his family? He knew lycanthropy was genetic, so there would be a 50/50 chance... Let's not think of that yet. For now, though, Remus did very much like Annelise and wanted to stay with her, yes.
Him telling Annelise was a first step in something, for now, he just wanted to take it easy, see how things went, where they were going. Maybe it was a good thing he couldn't read Annelise's mind!

"Well, it must have been scary for them telling you that they knew." He looked up, a little surprised. He hadn't looked at it that way. "Scary for them?" he echoed, confusion in his voice. "You've met Sirius and James, right? I don't think they're scared of anything," he said, laughing a little. Then again, yes, it might've been scary for them, yes - because after all, maybe they'd been hoping Remus would deny it, and he hadn't. Again, Remus was pleasantly surprised by Annelise's ability to see things from a different perspective.
He smiled back at Annelise as she smiled at him. "I'm happy I told you, too. I felt so terrible not telling," he admitted. "It wasn't that I didn't trust you before, because I did - I was just afraid you'd leave me or something.." Remus smiled a little. "Which I would've understood, really, it's just - I'd rather not lose you, really."

As Remus told his little white lie, he could see Annelise knew he was lying. It was in her expression and in the stiffening of her shoulders. He had almost forgotten she'd had a childhood friend as a werewolf, but even if he had remembered, he wouldn't have expected her to have talked about the transformations.
Annelise looked away and Remus gently tilted up her chin to face him again. "Okay, I lied, it sucks pretty bad," he muttered, hoping he was able to keep his tone light enough, though. "I just didn't want you to worry, because you don't have to - I'll be okay," he said, trying to keep eye contact. He really wanted to reassure her.

[Annelise Westerhof]

Annelise shrugged when Remus asked if she had met his friends. She hadn't really, only briefly. She wondered if he just assumed that she had met them and knew them considering how much time she spent with him. It wasn't like she didn't particularly like his friends, either, it was that she honestly didn't think that they would 'click.' Then again, she wouldn't have assumed that either Remus or Peter could become best friends with James and Sirius either. Another point against her was that she was a girl, and the 'girlfriend' or one of their own. It was like automatically not allowing her friendship. Not that she was really looking for it.

"I don't mind that you didn't tell me earlier," Annelise said, honestly. "I wouldn't want you telling me when you weren't ready, and then you fretting about it later. It's okay."

Annelise held absolutely no resentment for Remus not telling her earlier. She wasn't bothered, she wasn't wishing that he had warned her about himself. She completely understood. Besides, if he had told her before, would she have seen him in a romantic fashion? She wanted to say yes, but there was really no way to say such a thing. For all she knew, her mind might have automatically 'friend-zoned' him without meaning to, and then she would have really missed out. Annelise didn't voice any of this just in case it came out wrong and offended him. She had never felt that way around Remus before... that he would misunderstand her.

"You're not going to lose me," Annelise promised. She held his hand in an innocent fashion and looked at their hands connected. "I like the way this feels," she continued in a soft voice. She raised their hands to her mouth and kissed the back of his hand gently. In all honesty, she was becoming a bit tired.

Annelise "mmm'd" at him saying that he lied. She knew he had, but didn't really have anything to say back. She didn't want to discuss how much pain he had to go through every month. She didn't want to talk about the bad things.

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[Remus John Lupin]

His question had sort of been rhetorical. After all, the multitude of the school regarded James and Sirius to be fearless (either fearless or idiots - or both). Rem wasn't sure why he had never really introduced Annelise to his best friends. Did she want him to? Maybe he had sort of been afraid to, but of what? That Sirius and his sexual innuendo would scare her off? That was ridiculous. Still, there was something there that made him reluctant. Maybe because he felt it would be weird to be the only one having a serious girlfriend or something. He wasn't sure, Remus couldn't put his finger on it.

"I don't mind that you didn't tell me earlier, I wouldn't want you telling me when you weren't ready, and then you fretting about it later. It's okay." Remus smiled a little. This was why he loved her, she was so accepting it was almost unreal. "I know, but I just don't like hiding things from you," he admitted, smiling a little wider. "I don't want to have to lie."
"You're not going to lose me. I like the way this feels." He smiled, squeezed her hand gently and felt a little more at ease. Remus pecked her lips briefly. "Me too," he murmered quietly, still close enough for Annelise to feel his breath on her lips and then kissing her again, a little longer. He didn't really want to speak any more, he just wanted to be. They were fine just being.


[Très short, I know, but we were working towards an end here, right? xD Plus it's past midnight here, so my characters are sleepy and not the most responsive xD]