.waiting for the end

[severus]

When I close my eyes I see you
In my dreams you will be near
Won't let you disappear
But I'm here on my own

If there was a time of the day that Severus Snape hated it would probably be morning, he had been in a very deep sleep. Dreaming about hexing the Marauders and having them spelled from Hogwarts when the noise of his dorm companions caused him to wake up. He stayed in bed for the upcoming minutes, been a Saturday he would have the morning free from any classes and subjects and he wasn’t feeling hungry enough to run down to the Great Hall. Severus awaited for their voiced to die away. He knew there would be no chances of going back to sleep now, but he wasn’t feeling in the best pf moods to talk to anyone. His eyes closed slightly taking a few breaths in, once the last sound was gone he finally slipped of his bed, picking a clean set of robes and walking out. Most of the common room was filled with chattering Slytherins, far to deep in their conversations to take notice of the passing dark haired boy.

With this silence he slipped out of the passage that led into the common room, walking out into the cold dungeons, that like the common room were filled with students going up and coming down. Severus began to walk toward the stairs his head down, trying not to catch the eye of any passer bys. He doubted that not even Lily was up at this hour and still not hungry he didn’t bother with going to the Great Hall, instead his steps took him toward the Entrance Hall and right into the oak doors that led to the grounds. In here Severus topped looking around for a group of people, when he was sure that there were no Marauders around he moved between a small gap of the doors and into the grounds of Hogwarts themselves. To his luck the grounds were mostly deserted, except for a small group o students here and there and a few Quidditch players that had just finished their practice.

Severus looked away from them directing his pace as he did so, he was sure it had been the Gryffindor team and the last thing he wanted was to face Potter in this bad mood. He wanted to course Potter and his little friends, but tired as he was, he wasn’t completely positive his aim would be the best. Risking going into the Hospital Wing only during his second month in Hogwarts was not something that he was willing to do at the moment. With the OWL’s coming up this year he needed to get all the time he needed in class, the idea of missing even just one was far to risky. He was sure of his knowledge in every subject, but he knew that letting pride get in his way would not help him. Better learn everything and be prepared for the worse they could launch at him.

Severus eyes felt on a free spot right under one of the willow trees, one that Lily and he had used many times before. Sitting down Severus rested his back against the tree, picking a few of the leaves up he began to move them up and down with his wand. His mind had began to drift off with this movement of his wand, that he took very little notice of time passing by. It wasn’t until a loud scream rang through the grounds that Severus looked uo from his work to find his surrounding filled with laughing Hogwarts students. Severus took a deep sighting, knowing that his silent time was just officially over. Could this day not end sooner?

Severus was doing his best to ignore the noise that was filling his surrounding, yet it was unnecessarily hard to do so. The only reasoning he could see out of his current his situation was use one of his own spells on him to cut the noise off. Yet when you knew a certain group of Gryffindors could zoom out of nowhere and ruin the reminder of his day, cutting out one of his senses would not be a bright idea from his part. Well, one thing he was sure off was that he wasn’t going to waste this day just sitting around and been worried, no when he knew Lily could show her bright smile at any time. After all, the two of them hadn’t spoken in a while now, he knew that Lily was almost as busy with the OWL’s as he was, but sometimes he feared that she wouldn’t want to speak to him again. Of course those fears always went away when she came looking for him soon after. If only he could have the strength to stand up and tell Lily how he really felt for her.

Even if she wouldn’t return those feelings back, he would be happy just knowing that she knew about them. Yet he also couldn’t risk their friendship crumbling down if she did knew, it was the real thing keeping him from confessing his heart out to her. He took a deep breath, resting his back against the willow tree, feeling some of the hardened wood against his very skin. It wasn’t the most comfortable position out there, but it still have him a fairly good view of his surroundings. Lily or not he wasn’t going to allow any Gryffindors to sneak behind him today, plus now that he was a prefect himself, he was looking forward to maybe getting a few of them in trouble. More importantly he was looking forward to getting Potter and Black in trouble, maybe making them clean a few things should be fun, he could always get a hand from Slughorn if needed. He was quite fond of Lily, and if he asked her to ask him, he was sure he would say yes. The thought of Potter and Black cleaning potions filled cauldrons made Severus smirk slightly, something that if you knew the boy very well, wasn’t much of a natural every day think.

If there was a think those two hated was working, plus he could maybe get Pettigrew and Lupin in there too, he didn’t disliked them as much as the other two. But they weren’t angels on his list neither. Many times they had stood and witnessed as they bullied him and done nothing to stop it. There was no reason why he should be forgiving to them. He knew Lily would probably not completely agree with his grudge full thoughts, on of the reasons why he didn’t went around telling her.

[lauren]

"Hey Sev. What are you doing? I mean I haven't seen you in awhile."

[/color] she said with a smile, coming almost out of nowhere. Lily had been talking a walk, trying to clear her mind, when she came upon Severus. She then decided she'd walk over. They two hadn't talked in awhile and she missed being around him. It really didn't seem like they hung out as much anymore and she wasn't sure what to do, well at least to her it seemed like they didn't hang out as much anymore. Sure she was studying for O.W.L.S and such, as was he, but it still felt like forever since they last hung out, or even talked. She even started to noticed how he started hanging around others from his own house, but that wasn't the problem. Lily wanted him to hang around other people. She didn't want to be his only friend, sure she loved being his friend and has always been there for him. She wanted other people to accept him too.

Lily didn't want him to feel as if she was the only one who did. She wasn't selfish. The problem was the people that he was hanging around with hated her. They were the very people who supported wiping people like her, muggleborns, from the Wizard World forever. She really didn't understand how he could have befriended those kind of people, out of all of Hogwarts. She was truly torn and didn't know what to do. Severus couldn't have both ways and she was afraid of how it would all play out. She was slowly seeing changes in him and they were changes she didn't like. It had caused several fights between the two this year and each day she was getting more and more afraid of losing him. The fact he was getting more and more into the Dark Arts didn't help matters. Sure she knew he liked them, but he'd never been like this in the past.[/center][/blockquote][/blockquote]

[severus]

When I close my eyes I see you
In my dreams you will be near
Won't let you disappear
But I'm here on my own

Severus was taken back when there came the all too familiar sound of Lily’s voice, for that moment he couldn’t help but forget every thought that had been in his mind just moments before. At the same time he was a bit taken back by her random appearance, for once he was always very alert of his surroundings. After years of sneaking away from Gryffindors, more importantly a certain group of Gryffindors he would have hoped he was better than this. His face turned toward Lily quickly, he gave his childhood friend a soft smile before picking his wand one more time and hiding it safety inside his robes, but still within his reach. He was still a bit annoyed about getting surprised about that, but it wasn’t like he could stay mad at her for to long, not when she looked down at him with those warm green eyes. Those eyes, that hunted his dreams, dreams that he could never tell Lily about.

Dreams of him confessing his feelings, yet somehow they always ended badly, because not even in his sleep would Lily return his feelings of love. Severus stood up, shrugging the dirt of his robes before calming his voice down to speak with Lily. “Not much really, I was just practicing some wand work.” Severus tried to smile once more, but instead gave the image of someone that was trying to hide some pain from an injury from someone else. “Yet by the time I looked up, the quietness that was supposed to help me concentrate was interrupted.” Severus waved a hand around, showing off the group of running Hogwarts’ students. He wasn’t going to be telling her that he had been actually thinking about her and were their friendship appeared to be going lately. Things didn’t look good for the true friends, Lily and himself even if it pained him to admit it had been drifting apart for a while now.

“What about you Lils? I bet you are so very busy with your perfect job now and the upcoming OWL’s too. I bet your parents are very proud of you, my own hardly took notice of me been around this summer. Since my mother passed away, my dad has been worse than ever.” At least Eileen had kept some control over the house, keeping it clean and organized even in the worse of days. But now that she was gone, there was hardly anything keeping the structure together. “Heard father got sick, probably won’t make it into the next year.” He didn’t mind if he passed away, unlike his mother his father had never been there much for him. Yet it was a bit of information that he was able to share with Lily, because he knew she probably once one of those very few that would understand, because she had been there during his early years. “Too bad you are stuck with James friend, probably gave him an excuse to follow you around more than ever now.”

[lauren]

Lily nodded, when he mentioned her prefects job. "Yeah it can be pretty busy at times and yeah I've been doing a lot of studying for OWL's, but decided it was time for a small break" she replied with a smile and a small laugh. The smile and laugh faulterd at the mention of how her parents would be proud of her. In fact she frowed, not because Severus had said something like that. She knew he only meant it in a good way. It was for another reason entirely, that she acted the way she did. She had totally forgot to tell him. She looked down. "I-" she started, not sure how to say it. Yeah he was her best friend, but this really wasn't something that was easy to say to someone.

"Yeah sure they would be...." she said, using the word would, seeing as they were dead. She sounded as if she wanted to say more and eventually did. It took her a few minutes to force herself to say what she had to. "but M-my parents are dead Sev, both of them. Murdered right in front of me. I almost didn't make it out alive." she said quietly, her voice cracking. "Thats part of the reason why I've been avoiding almost everyone." she said, not wanting him to think she was doing it on purpose. Sure they had gotten into fights this year, but she'd never stayed away from him this long.

As she talked about her own parents she looked down. She had witnessed it first hand yet made it out alive, which was saying something. Sure it was only barely, but alive none the less. She still hated thinking about it. It still upset her, but she didn't cry. She had already cried so much that she wasn't sure if she could cry anymore. Her sister blaming her really didn't help either. In fact it made things worse. It really started to make her feel as if it were her fault. No one else knew any of this and telling him, well it brought her back to the very moment it happened. She was already plagued with nightmares, but saying it outloud also made it real.

"Sorry to hear about your mother though" Lily said, after she got over the shock of telling Severus about her own parents. After she told him what happened to her parents, she got pretty silent. Unlike how her relationship was with her own father had been, she knew that Severus and his father weren't close. In fact she was pretty sure the two didn't get along at all, but his mother was another story. She had probably been the only other person there for him, aside from Lily that is. She really had liked his mother.

She rolled her eyes at the James Comment, though her roll hadn't been directed towards Severus. It was just pretty much a sign that she couldn't stand James. In fact she was in deep denial about him. "Yeah your right he has been following me around alot lately. pretty annoying actually." she said. The only one she could stand being around was Remus Lupin, Then again Remus was a lot like her in many ways. He was the only one whom she could really relate to on most things.